It's not what you should say, but what you should do. Keep inviting us out (and other singles so we don't feel like the 3rd wheel all the time), have dinner, go get that pedi, take time to chat on the phone, weekend snowboarding. Girls days like they used to be.....let us pretend for a few hours that we aren't any different than you are. And most of all when we are super down about it and feeling sorry for ourselves, cheer us up, give us alcohol, listen to us bitch and complain, but at the same time try not to let us dwell on it for too long....not necessarily writing it off as what we are feeling isn't important or warranted, but we gotta get back up and move on because lets face it being debbie downer sure isn't going to attract boyfriend/husband material.
|My very favorite third wheel photo--dancing with the happy couple.|
Be as comfortable about my singleness as I am. I would just like for people to be as comfortable with my being single as I am. I love being able to sleep in the middle of the bed, spend $100 at the craft store and paint all weekend, or pack up and live on my best friends couch (she's single too) for a whole weekend if I want to. Show me you are proud of me and respect me by not telling me some cockamamie bull about how the right one is out there waiting for me or God has a plan for me or whatever it is that helps YOU sleep at night. I'm single and it's ok. And I don't have time to pat your hand and reassure you that it's ok because I'm kinda busy being awesome.
Remind me to keep living my life and help me do that! I think it’s always super encouraging to hear that I should keep living my life and enjoying the opportunity to do things on my own terms while I can. I know that, on their face, comments like that aren’t words of encouragement, per se, and are generally unrelated to how to find a nice boy, but I think that’s why I appreciate it so much! Also, people tend say it in the context of “hey, if you keep doing your thing and enjoying yourself, you’re going to meet someone great in the process.” And they’re right—why put your life on hold waiting for someone to show up? I think it’s incredibly important for young women to understand that they shouldn’t be defined by their relationships, that their worth is in no way correlated to relationship status, and that they should make (and are entitled to) their own happiness.
Don't push us, appreciate where we are. Over the years, I have always found it so encouraging to have other women, with husbands and families, support me for what I am doing right this moment and not pushing me into the next step. I recently had an older woman, with a husband and family and whom I respect a lot, tell me how proud of me she was that I am doing what I want and my career choice. I have had several men tell me it is awesome that I am doing exactly what I want right now, and that they hope their daughters do the same thing.
Don't constantly ask about our personal life. For me, people who are supportive about all the things I am doing without mentioning anything about my relationship status it is so refreshing. If I want to tell you about my personal life and relationship status, I am open enough I will. Many women are the same way: if we want you to know about our relationship status...especially if we are in a relationship....WE WILL TELL YOU!
Be supportive of where we are now...talk to us about our plans, what we enjoy, what's going on and know it is okay if it does not match the path you took. I want the cute house with a view and a wonderful man for a husband with dogs and kids and all that comes with that. I CANNOT wait for it. But, right this moment that is not where my life is. Right now, I am doing everything I can to make myself a wonderful woman for the man who will be my Mr. Forever while hopefully, he is doing the same thing. So be supportive of the people in your life who are not married, who don't have kids yet, and who maybe don't even want that in their life. Ask them about what they are doing right this moment, what they want to do next, not why they have not done the same thing you have. If you are close friends with them, you already know.
Keep up the annual girls trips. The number one encouraging thing for me is those annual girl trips....don't stop going on those just because you are married now, its very discouraging and makes me feel like I'm losing out on both friendship as well as love.