My 30 Things List: Part 3

Today I continue revealing my list of 30 things every woman should know and have by the time she is 30.  Be sure to check out Part I and Part II if you'are new to these parts.

Every woman should know...

Not to think she needs to marry someone to do things for her (ie. cars, money, tools).  

“I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible.” ~John Steinbeck

Listen up, girls.  I get it.  I do.  It is easier to rely on someone else to know how to change your oil or to understand the finer details of the difference between a Roth IRA and a 401(k), or to show up with a toolbox full of sockets and actually know how to use them.  Where you can really get yourself into dangerous territory, however, is when you think you need to marry someone---anyone---so that he can do these things for you.  That's bad, bad, bad.

You should be getting married because you love someone, not because you are sick of hauling the garbage can up and down the driveway on Mondays and you hate the idea of having to mow the yard.  It's tough being an independent woman.  But it's tougher realizing that you married the wrong guy instead of learning the difference between a regular and a Phillips head screw driver.

You can do these things on your own, or you can hire someone to do them for you.  You don't need to land yourself in a relationship for that purpose.  (Although let's be honest, how cute is it when your boyfriend is handy and can fix things for you??  Another perk of country boys, I'm just saying!)

Ziplining in Costa Rica - 2012 (unrelated to anything, I just like the picture)

How to keep a person's memory alive.

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."  ~Thomas Campbell

The odds are that by the time you are 30, you have lost someone close to you.  For me, I have lost 5 people who I would consider very close to me, and probably 10 more who I would consider close family or friends.  And when you lose someone who is important to you, I think that it is critical to find a way to keep their memory alive.  I honestly think that doing this is what keeps you from going completely insane.   How that looks is up to you.  Some people take flowers to the cemetery.  Some like to have the person's photo on their house.  Some cannot imagine doing either of those things, but prefer to talk to the person who passed away as though they are still here with them.  I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way, and I don't think that it is our place to judge how someone chooses to do this.  But find a way that works for you.  For me, it looks like a bookshelf I call my angel shelves where I keep pictures, notes, crosses, rosaries, etc, and blogs where I share my favorite memories about the people who I have lost.  I like to think that I am not only keeping them alive, but managing to share them with others who may not have been as fortunate as me to have them in their lives.

That even though friendships change they do not have to end.

“Being in each other’s company they feel like they are every age they ever were, because they see themselves through thousands of shared memories.” ~The Girls from Ames

Newsflash:  life changes all the time.  And with that, friendships change.  The odds are that you have found yourself in different physical locations, or in different places in life, or different relationship statuses (is that the plural?  is it statusi like syllabi?)  than your friends.  It is almost inevitable that friendships will change as we get older and our lives change.  But that does not mean that the friendships have to end.  Far from it, sometimes I think that they only get better and better.  I always try to remind myself that change does not mean an end, and that I can probably learn a lot from my friends who are going through different situations than me.

The Fearless Foursome

Every woman should have...

A go-to perfume.  

“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” ~Maya Angelou

You want to have a scent that is you.  So much so that when someone else is wearing that perfume, your friends think of you.  It's hard to find this, particularly for me since I am a combination of cheap and picky.  But take some time and put some effort into this, because as superficial and dumb as it is, somehow it really does make you feel more confident.

VS - Sexy Little Things

A favorite style of underwear.

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates."  ~Thomas Szasz

This one is probably less about underwear and more about knowing yourself.   By the time you are 30, I honestly think you should know yourself--what you like, what you do not like, what you are not willing to tolerate, what things may be cool but just not something that you are interested in....you get the idea.  Find yourself a style that works for you, one that you feel comfortable and beautiful in, and screw what the fashion magazines tell you that you should like.  You be you, and be confident in that, and you'll rock whatever choices you make.  Except granny panties, because let's be honest, that's not cool.

Piazza del Popolo - Rome - 2009