My 30 Things List: The Finale

Well, now that I'm 30 (and three days) I wanted to do a finale post for my list of the 30 things every woman should know and have by the time she is 30.  I was inspired to create this list while laying on a beach in Costa Rica reading a book where the author made her own list.  It's been fun thinking through the items and trying to ensure that I know and have these things.  As you've seen over the last year, I've written a series of posts detailing each list item.  If you missed any of the posts in the series, click here.

Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica, 2012

Today, I leave you with my full list and the following quote:  "The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." -- Muhammad Ali

In the world of Tiffany, by the time she is 30...

Every woman should know...

The difference between politics and people.

Her limit, be it alcohol sun or late nights.

How to manage her money.

Not to think she needs to marry someone to do things for her (ie. cars, money, tools).

How to keep a person's memory alive.

That it's okay to want things and go after them.

That even though friendships change they do not have to end.

Things she really likes to do versus things she wishes she likes to do.

How to dance without caring what anyone thinks.

How to do something by herself, be it dinner, a movie, a trip or a wedding.


The difference between being too picky and a deal-breaker.

Who her true friends are.

When its time to make a change in her life, and how to summons the courage to do it.

The difference between a good opportunity and the right opportunity.

How she likes her eggs (ala Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride).

That she cannot marry someone (or stay at a job) just so she does not hurt another person's feelings.

End every woman should have...

A passport.

An item that connects her to her past.

Good sheets.

A go-to perfume.

A favorite style of underwear.

A good pair of heels and the ability to walk in them.

Go-to songs for every event.

A cause that she is passionate about.

Pictures hung on her wall.

Read one of "the classics."

Bought something a little expensive just for herself.

A workout routine that works for her body.

An "I Voted" sticker from an election.

A go-to drink.

A comfort hoodie.

My 30 Things List: Part 6

Here we are....the last items on my list of 30 things every woman should know and have by the time she is 30.  Next week I'll post a blog with the complete list in one place, but for now, here are the last items!

Every woman should know...

How to do something by herself, be it dinner, a movie, a trip or a wedding.  I suppose that my ability to do this and my ability to understand why this is important comes from the fact that I'm one week (and two days) from turning 30 and I'm not married.  I learned pretty quickly in my 20's that if I wanted to do things, I had to learn to do them by myself.  I couldn't wait for a boy to ask me to the movies because, well, it would be out of the theater and off of Red Box before that happened.  So, I went by myself.  One such event I will never forget was on Valentine's Day.  I went alone to see, "The Vow."  And offered the nice young couple sitting next to me some of the dried fruit I smuggled in.  Yep.  I'm that lady.  "Hey, sonny, do you kiddos want some of my dried cherries?"  And you know what?  I survived.  I also survived traveling the world by myself.  And I have even become a bit of an expert at flying solo at weddings (the ultimate insult to a girl's psyche).  But until you're comfortable with yourself, and confident enough to do these things on your own, I question whether you're ready to be with someone else.

The difference between a great opportunity and the right opportunity.  Oh, this is a doozy. A country song has a line I love that says, "I'm chasing what they say's a dream, thinkin' maybe it ain't mine."  Bam.  Bingo.  That's what I'm saying.  Sometimes, great chances come up.  A job posting.  A boy who looks great on paper.  A fun trip.  And even though it is a great opportunity, that doesn't make it the right opportunity for you.  I turned down a job that paid more money than I could have ever imagined at a top 25 law firm in my favorite city.  Was it a great opportunity?  Absolutely.  In the end, was it the right opportunity?  No.  And that' okay.

Who her true friends are.  Pretty self explanatory.  By the time a girl is 30, she has probably figured this out the hard way.  Life has  way of weeding out those friends who don't fall into this category.  And the ones that do fit the "true" definition?  Be thankful every day for them.

Every woman should have...

An item that connects her to her past.  Sometimes I think we are so busy focusing on where we're going, we forget to remember and be thankful for where we've been.  And that is why I think it's so important to have an item that reminds you of your past.  It doesn't matter what it is--a picture of home or your grandma's pearls or a family heirloom.  Whatever it is, you need to have something that reminds you where you came from.  And the people who helped to get you to where you are today. 

Photo by Carrie Flanagan

Read one of "the classics."  Why, you ask?  According to The Godfather, you need to know this in order to make conversation on a first date.  And "To Kill a Mockingbird" is not an acceptable favorite classic book answer because he knows that you had to read it in high school and that doesn't count.  Don't shoot the messenger, talk to The Godfather.  Confession...I only aspire to this.  That's right.  I'm one week from the big 3-0 and I've still not read one of the classics.  I'm so sorry, Mom and The Godfather.  I'm a literature failure.  but don't give up, I'm going to get this done soon.  And thank goodness that the Boy from Texas talked football and guns instead of literature on our first date!

A go-to drink.  As with pretty much all of the items that start with "a go-to" the point of this is far less about the drink and far more about knowing yourself and being comfortable with that.  For example, I hate beer.  Can't stand the taste.  But man, I think a girl drinking a beer out of a bottle looks beyond cool.  So in my younger days, I used to try to choke one down in order to look cool.  Now?  Forget that.  I could care less about the cool factor and I order what I actually want to drink.

If you need a drink....Limey at The Penny.  Trust me.

My 30 Things List: Part 5

It's time for another post in my series of 30 things every woman should know and do by the time she's 30.  If you missed any of the prior posts, click here.

Every Woman Should Know...

Things she really likes to do versus things she wishes she likes to do.  I want to be a person who likes to out in coffee shops drinking a cup of Skinny Grande Non-Fat Soy Carmel Machiatto Latte or whatever the fancy name of a drink is at Starbucks and writing blogs or books or emails.  I really wish I liked doing that.  But honestly?  I don't.  I tried it a couple of times and was miserable.  I don't drink coffee.  The chairs are not comfortable.  I'm too distracted by people talking and coming in and out.  It's not for me.  And in that experience, I realized that there is a difference between the things you like to do and the things that we wish we liked to do.  It's important to know that this difference exists, and then to determine how it fits into your life.  Because there's no sense in not enjoying something just because you wish you liked it!

Latte in Viena (I only like coffee in Europe)

The difference between being too picky and a deal-breaker.  When you're not married and about to blow out 30 candles on a birthday cake, you become a bit of an expert at this topic.  Let me start out by encouraging all of your single ladies out there to trust you gut and keep your standards.  Do not settle or give in just because people tell you that the only reason someone that's your age doesn't have a ring is because she's clearly too picky.  Not necessarily true AT ALL.  Now, that said, do I think that girls (myself included) can be too picky over little things?  Sure.  Looking back at a former list of attributes I was looking for in a husband illustrates that.  Do I really care if the guy wears flip flops?  If he can ride a horse?  If he can beat me at one-on-one?  No.  Those qualifications are prime "too picky" examples.  Or, to quote a You Tube video that changed my whole attitude on relationship, these are "the price of admission."  But on the other side of the coin, there are deal breakers.  Big ol' fat ones that you better never compromise on.  The key here is knowing the difference.  (And I think that when you meet someone who you click with, you will probably forget all of the "too picky" things anyway.)

When its time to make a change in her life, and how to summons the courage to do it.  Change is scary.  And hard.  And is sucks.  There's not a lot in life I dislike more.  But sometimes, a girl has to make a big change.  For me, that big changed looked like quitting my job, selling my condo, moving to another state, buying a house, and starting a new job doing something completely different.  And it was scary.  There were times (like when I had to announce that I was leaving my old job or the infamous oven fire) where I wanted to hit "rewind" and go back to my old, safe, comfortable life before the change.  But great things happen through change.  Change is necessary for growth and for greatness.  It's hard and scary, but it's worth it.

Opening the door at my new house

Every Woman Should Have...

Bought something a little expensive just for herself.  I'm a saver.  Hoarder, really.  I don't enjoy spending large sums of money.  It makes me far happier to put my money in a savings account than it does to go out and buy something shiny for myself.  But a couple of years ago, I decided to buy myself something shiny for my birthday.  I was single, had the money to do it, and had worked really hard to be where I was.  And so, I ordered my first little blue box from a store called Tiffany's.  And it was awesome.  I'm not saying everyone needs to get something from Tiffany's, but I do think that it's great to splurge on yourself somehow at least once.  It's kind of a reminder that you deserve it, which I think we all need sometimes.

Tiffany's in Vienna

A workout routine that works for her body.  Here's the deal, different things work for different people.  I could be on an Elliptical for 5 hours a day and I would not see as good of results as if I would get my booty on a treadmill and run 5 miles.  That's just a fact for me.  Some people love hot yoga.  I liked it okay, but I got bored and it smelled like sweat.  College Roomie is a barre fan.  It would bore me to tears.  I love spin class, but other friends hate having someone yelling at them for an hour.  To each her own.  Find something that works for you and stick with it.

Finish line of 2013 OKC Half Marathon

My 30 Things List: Part 4

Here we go again....we're on the fourth installment of our little series here.  We're over halfway done now, can you believe it?  If you missed any of the prior parts, be sure to check them out here.

Every woman should know...

How she likes her eggs (ala Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride).  Oh, that Julia Roberts.....love her.  Again, this item has much more to do with knowing yourself and far less to do with eggs.  But the idea is important.  Every 30 year old woman should know herself and what she likes, apart from a relationship.  And then when she gets into a relationship, she has to be true to herself.  Women need to understand that it's important not to lose herself just because she is a "we" instead of a "me."

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” ~Marianne Williamson


That she cannot marry someone just so she does not hurt another person's feelings.  Oh listen, I have given this advice to several people in my life.  The bottom line is that you are living your life.  And you have to make decisions that are right for you.  Whether it be ending a relationship or leaving a job or changing hair dressers....whatever.  My mom told me years ago that no one was going to look out for you in the world except for you.  Sometimes, that means making decisions that are hurtful for another person.  But you can't end up giving up your dream or missing your calling or settling for the wrong relationship just because you don't want to hurt someone else's feelings.

"When you do what you fear most, then you can do anything."  ~Stephen Richards

Every woman should have...

An "I Voted" sticker from an election.  I don't care if you are Democrat or Republican or Tea Party or Pink Panther-whatever party....vote.  It's your right.  One that people fought and died for.  But also, if you are going to vote, do your homework and make an informed decision on candidates and issues.  Don't vote just based upon the biased media coverage that happens on every channel.  That's all I'll say about that.

“Have you ever stopped to ponder the amount of blood spilt, the volume of tears shed, the degree of pain and anguish endured, the number of noble men and women lost in battle so that we as individuals might have a say in governing our country?  Honor the lives sacrificed for your freedoms. Vote.” ~Richelle Goodrich

Pictures hung on her wall.  You guys can thank Cousin Swiss Mister for this one.  A while back he was talking to a friend about feeling unhappy and unsettled.  She asked if he had any pictures hung on his wall, which he admitted he did not.  When you hang pictures on your wall, it give you a place to belong.  It's important to fit somewhere.  You get that with each of those little nail holes.

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."  ~George Augustus Moore

A comfort hoodie.  There is nothing I like more than a big ol' comfy hoodie.  When I have a rough day, I put one on and instantly feel better.  Seriously, it's like some sort of anti-depressant for me.  When I was in law school, I took every final I ever had in a hoodie.  Something about it is comforting and just makes me happy.  Plus, my favorite one is orange, so that instantly makes me even happier.

My favorite OSU hoodie.

Because of this comfort hoodie bit, I'm linking up with my dear friend Almost Gypsy Soul for Soul Food Friday.  Check out her blog.  Follow her.  She's awesome.

My 30 Things List: Part 3

Today I continue revealing my list of 30 things every woman should know and have by the time she is 30.  Be sure to check out Part I and Part II if you'are new to these parts.

Every woman should know...

Not to think she needs to marry someone to do things for her (ie. cars, money, tools).  

“I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible.” ~John Steinbeck

Listen up, girls.  I get it.  I do.  It is easier to rely on someone else to know how to change your oil or to understand the finer details of the difference between a Roth IRA and a 401(k), or to show up with a toolbox full of sockets and actually know how to use them.  Where you can really get yourself into dangerous territory, however, is when you think you need to marry someone---anyone---so that he can do these things for you.  That's bad, bad, bad.

You should be getting married because you love someone, not because you are sick of hauling the garbage can up and down the driveway on Mondays and you hate the idea of having to mow the yard.  It's tough being an independent woman.  But it's tougher realizing that you married the wrong guy instead of learning the difference between a regular and a Phillips head screw driver.

You can do these things on your own, or you can hire someone to do them for you.  You don't need to land yourself in a relationship for that purpose.  (Although let's be honest, how cute is it when your boyfriend is handy and can fix things for you??  Another perk of country boys, I'm just saying!)

Ziplining in Costa Rica - 2012 (unrelated to anything, I just like the picture)

How to keep a person's memory alive.

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."  ~Thomas Campbell

The odds are that by the time you are 30, you have lost someone close to you.  For me, I have lost 5 people who I would consider very close to me, and probably 10 more who I would consider close family or friends.  And when you lose someone who is important to you, I think that it is critical to find a way to keep their memory alive.  I honestly think that doing this is what keeps you from going completely insane.   How that looks is up to you.  Some people take flowers to the cemetery.  Some like to have the person's photo on their house.  Some cannot imagine doing either of those things, but prefer to talk to the person who passed away as though they are still here with them.  I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way, and I don't think that it is our place to judge how someone chooses to do this.  But find a way that works for you.  For me, it looks like a bookshelf I call my angel shelves where I keep pictures, notes, crosses, rosaries, etc, and blogs where I share my favorite memories about the people who I have lost.  I like to think that I am not only keeping them alive, but managing to share them with others who may not have been as fortunate as me to have them in their lives.

That even though friendships change they do not have to end.

“Being in each other’s company they feel like they are every age they ever were, because they see themselves through thousands of shared memories.” ~The Girls from Ames

Newsflash:  life changes all the time.  And with that, friendships change.  The odds are that you have found yourself in different physical locations, or in different places in life, or different relationship statuses (is that the plural?  is it statusi like syllabi?)  than your friends.  It is almost inevitable that friendships will change as we get older and our lives change.  But that does not mean that the friendships have to end.  Far from it, sometimes I think that they only get better and better.  I always try to remind myself that change does not mean an end, and that I can probably learn a lot from my friends who are going through different situations than me.

The Fearless Foursome

Every woman should have...

A go-to perfume.  

“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” ~Maya Angelou

You want to have a scent that is you.  So much so that when someone else is wearing that perfume, your friends think of you.  It's hard to find this, particularly for me since I am a combination of cheap and picky.  But take some time and put some effort into this, because as superficial and dumb as it is, somehow it really does make you feel more confident.

VS - Sexy Little Things

A favorite style of underwear.

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates."  ~Thomas Szasz

This one is probably less about underwear and more about knowing yourself.   By the time you are 30, I honestly think you should know yourself--what you like, what you do not like, what you are not willing to tolerate, what things may be cool but just not something that you are interested in....you get the idea.  Find yourself a style that works for you, one that you feel comfortable and beautiful in, and screw what the fashion magazines tell you that you should like.  You be you, and be confident in that, and you'll rock whatever choices you make.  Except granny panties, because let's be honest, that's not cool.

Piazza del Popolo - Rome - 2009

My 30 Things List: Part 2

Today we'll continue on with my 30 things list of the items I think every woman should have/know by the time she's 30.  (In case you missed the explanation of this project or Part 1, just click here).

 Here are my next 5 items.

Every woman should know...

How to dance without caring what anyone thinks.

We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

I'm a horrible dancer.  Wait, let me clarify.  I'll dance you under the table if you are talking two-step, waltz, polka, or cotton-eyed joe.  This country girl knows her business there.  But if you are talking the cool kids, MTV-style, booty shaking dancing, I'm just embarrassing.  And when I was younger, I'd just sit on the side and watch the cool kids.

San Francisco - August 2011

But now, you best believe I'll be out there gettin' down with everyone else.  Because when you sit on the sides, you miss all the fun.  Life's too short to be missing fun if you ask me.  So by the time you're 30, you need to know how to get out there and shake it.  If you're having a good time, no one will even notice you have zero rhythm and look like a white female version of Carlton Banks.  (Oh, wait, that's just me.)

Brett-Brett and Mrs. Texas' Wedding - June 2012

Her limit, be it alcohol, sun, or late nights.

“You got to know your limits. Once is enough, but you got to learn. A little caution never hurt anyone. A good woodsman has only one scar on him. No more, no less." ~ Haruki Murakami

You might remember that I started this list while laying on a beach in Costa Rica.  And getting a massive sunburn.  In not so fun places.  Which is why this baby made the list!  But I honestly do believe in knowing your limits.

Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica - May 2012

A woman of 30 has to know her limits.  And once she knows them, she'll realize that knowledge is a gift that 21 year olds just don't have.  That's why you see them skipping class on Friday after a party on Thursday night or throwing up in the bar bathroom.  They haven't yet figured out what their limits are (or maybe even that they have them).

By the time you're 30, you should have this knowledge.  If you wind up laying on the bathroom floor if you take more than one shot, then don't take more than one shot.  If you are super white and pasty and burn on the beach unless you put sun screen on once an hour, put sunscreen on once an hour (but be sure you get it all the way up to your swim suit because that will get you...trust me!).  Find your limits, and enjoy what knowing these limits allows you to avoid!

How to manage her money.

“Too many people spend money they earned..to buy things they don't want..to impress people that they don't like.” ~Will Rogers

I'm cheap.  I'll admit it.  This girl would rather put money into savings then spend it on shiny things.  So I honestly know a thing or two about this topic.  It really comes down to 5 words:  Spend Less Than You Make.  It's that simple.  Money comes in.  Money goes out.  The first has to be more than the second.  It's simple math.

Oh, one more thing.  Some of that money that comes in better be put into a savings account of some sort.  And you have to do that every month.  I mean EVERY month.  Even when you have a trip you really want to take or you see these super cute heels at the mall.  Because if you make excuses, you'll always find one and never save anything.  Treat it like a monthly bill that you have to pay.  You'll thank yourself later.

Every woman should have...

A passport.

I'm a traveler, so it's probably no surprise that this one is on my list.  I do love collecting me some passport stamps, and plan on having traveled to 10 countries by the time I turn the big 3-0 in November.  It's an amazing world that we live in that we are able to hop on a plane and be in another country by morning.  I always learn so much from seeing different places, eating different food, hearing different languages, and meeting different people.  It's something that I firmly believe we should take advantage of if we have the opportunity to do so.  And even if you can't go now, you might be able to go someday.  So get that passport and keep it handy!

Photo via La Mia Vita

Good sheets.

Because I'm cheap as discussed above, this is one thing it took me a while to figure out.  Spend money on sheets.  Cut back somewhere else---I'll sacrifice a lot of things in order to sleep on my 500 thread count Wamsutta sheets.  They make my heart happy.  And make me sleep better.  Which benefits me and everyone around me when my alarm clock goes off in the morning.  Good sheets.  Do it.  Trust me.

My 30 Things List: Part 1

Remember my blog about reading 30 things every woman should know and do before she's 30?  I read this book while laying under an umbrella on a beach on Costa Rica.  And it prompted me to make my own list.  I've been working on it for a couple of months trying to get it in final form, and I've finally finished it.  My plan is to unveil the list a few items at a time for the next 7 months, and then publish the final list near my 30th birthday.

So, we'll kick this off with the first 5 items that every woman should know/have by the time she's 30 (according to me!)

Every Woman Should Know...

The difference between politics and people.

I have blogged about this before, but I firmly believe that there is a difference between politics and people.  And if you ask me, what matters more is how you treat the people, politics aside.  What's important is that you are respectful, kind, compassionate, and loving to others.  Regardless of their politics, and regardless of yours.

I have friends who are gay.  I have friends who don't believe in God.  I have friends who are pro-choice and pro-life.  I have friends that are OU fans for crying out loud. Just because I may not share their beliefs does not mean that I can't be friends with them.  That I can't respect them.  That I can't love them.  And I think that this is a realization that every woman should come to.

This picture is unrelated but it has a heart in it, so good enough.
San Francisco / 2008 / Girls' Weekend

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies: The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear them or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate." 

That it's okay to want things and go after them.

I don't know where this comes from, but I think a lot of women (myself included) have a hard time feeling justified in wanting certain things.  We have to know that it's okay to want things---big things.  It's okay to have big, crazy, wild dreams.  We should never apologize for that.  Instead, we should embrace those goals and our determination and go for it.

SF Half Marathon / 2011

"Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."  ~Marianne Williamson

Every Woman Should Have...

A good pair of heels and the ability to walk in them.

You have to realize that I grew up the biggest tomboy that you've ever met.  I mean I lived at least a decade of my life in jeans, tennis shoes and a t-shirt.  DECADE.  Thank goodness that I've grown out of that at least a little bit and now enjoy a cute pair of heels and a skirt.  I don't think a woman has to wear heels every day, but I do think that every woman should have a good pair of heels that make her feel confident and beautiful and like she is ready to take on the world.  Oh, and if you get these shoes, please learn to walk in them.  Because goodness gracious, there is nothing worse than a girl in heels walking like a duck.

"Life is short.  Buy the shoes."

Go-to songs for every event

I love music.  I've pretty much got a radio or cd or an iPod playing non-stop.  A girl needs to have a list of go-to, never fail songs for certain situations that are going to pop up in her life.  Here are the ones that I've come up with.

Weddings:  The Bride by Trick Pony (please note that I'm a single girl before you put this one on your wedding play list)

Break Up:  So Good Without You by Jessie James

Dancing:  Billie Jean by Michael Jackson (if I'm dance partying it by myself); Ain't Goin' Down 'Til The Sun Comes Up by Garth Brooks (if I can dance with my brother...we're seriously killer good at this song)

Sad: Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day; Homesick by Mercy Me

Love:  Feet Don't Touch the Ground by Stoney LaRue; Hey Pretty Girl by Kip Moore


A cause that she is passionate about.

As you've read before, one of my main causes is Make-a-Wish, for which I volunteer as a wish granter.  I don't care what it is, every woman needs to find something that she is passionate about and that she believes in.  And the beauty of this is that we do not all have to pick the same thing.  Some of us might want to volunteer at a dog shelter, some want to go do mission work in Africa, some want to serve at a soup kitchen in the inner city, some coach 4-H judging teams.  I firmly believe that God places different desires and pulls on each of our hearts.  And I think He does that because he cares about all of these things, and that's the best way to be sure that attention gets paid to all of them.

"Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours.  Give me open hands and open doors.  Put Your light in my eyes and let me see,that my own little world is not about me."  ~Matthew West

Stay tuned next month for my next 5 items!