Funny Conversations with the Boy from Texas (Part X)

We haven't done one of these Funny Conversations posts in a while, so I've been jotting down a few comical moments.

{The Boy from Texas put away the dishes from the drainer while I was gone.}

Me: Did you just put this stuff all in random places? 

TBFT:  Yea, think of it like hide and seek.

{On a Sunday evening after we had been home all weekend.}

TBFT:  How can BB tear up so much stuff so quickly?  We need to pay the babysitter more.

{We were about to walk out of my cousin's wedding reception to take BB home.}

TBFT: Hey wait we can't go yet.  Your brother needs me to be a ring man while he auctions off the bride and groom.


TBFT:  Where is BB?
Me:  I think he's in his room.
{TBFT walks to his room and turns on the light.}
TBFT:  Um...he's in here standing up on his recliner in the dark.  I'm going to say that's not good parenting.


{After a heated discussion we had regarding the meaning of "drench" as it pertains to show lambs.}
TBFT to our neighbor:  We just had a long fight about drenching.
Neighbor:  Oh, well what did you guys say about the drench I use?
TBFT:  Oh no, it wasn't that kind of argument.  It was about the technical meaning of the term drench.
Me:  As you can tell, this was really stupid.
TBFT:  And this is how we spend our evenings.

Funny Conversations Over the Holidays

Dad: You guys don't be cheap on our nursing home! 

Denton: you can't tell me that you would not go for a little less fancy place if we could have a really good ram out back here at the farm. 

Dad:  Well, that's different!  

*BB is whining.*

The Boy from Texas: Calm down, Son, here...we will watch Vanilla Ice.

Denton: Here kid, lets go do chores.

Mom: No! That ram is mean!

Me: Well don't let him walk around in the ram pen

Denton: Ok I will try and keep him from riding the ram today. 

Aunt Delta Dawn:  My goodness, what are all these creepy red lights that are flashing all over the sky?
The Boy from Texas:  Those are the wind turbines.
Aunt Delta Dawn:  Well, I think we should bring ISIS out here and let them see this.  I'm pretty sure it would scare them into leaving America and never coming back.

*The Boy From Texas is looking at Facebook.*
The Boy from Texas: Who the heck is Alan D*****?
Me:  Oh, he's from Ireland.
The Boy from Texas:  He dresses funny.
Me:  Yea, he's pretty metro.
The Boy from Texas:  How do you know a metro guy from Ireland?
Me:  We met on a bus.  A wine tasting bus.
The Boy from Texas:  What?
Me:  Yea, he actually is from Ireland, lives in Dubai, and we met wine tasting in San Francisco.
The Boy from Texas:  So you don't really know him.  He could be a serial killer.
Me:  Um, I know him.  I told you, we met on a bus then he sang karaoke with us.
The Boy from Texas:  I can't deal with you.

Funny Conversations with The Boy from Texas (Part IX)

Today's quotes are all baby related.  That's pretty much all we talk about around here.

*Putting swing/bouncer together.*

Me: Just calm down, surely we can figure this out. 

TBFT: Send this crap back to China or wherever it came from!

Me:  I mean, what are we going to do if the baby comes like this weekend and we have nothing together or ready?
TBFT:  I'm pretty sure women used to have babies on the plains in the back of wagons with nothing ready either.  You'll be fine.



TBFT:  I think that you're going to be really tough in the delivery room.
Me:  Are you being sarcastic?
TBFT:  No, seriously.  I think you'll just glare at me a lot and think, "You SOB, you did this to me" in your head.


Me:  Did you get the napper for the pack and play put together?
TBFT:  I did.  And look, this thing here?  NOT a handle.  Got it?

Funny Conversations with The Boy from Texas (Part VIII)

I thought a few funny conversations might help brighten up your Monday.  Not going to lie, these may be the best ones yet.  (I also may get in trouble for posting some of them....)

*Before our trip to the mountains, I saw on Facebook they have a new zip lining course.  I immediately messaged my friend going with us and said we had to do it.  As I walked in the door from work....*
The Boy from Texas:  Do you want a divorce?
Me:  What??
TBFT:  No way in hell my pregnant wife is going to be zip lining.
Me:  Oh....I forgot I was pregnant!


*I'm in the kitchen making dinner, he is in the recliner in the living room.*
TBFT:  "Angus, what are you doing?  Angus, stop that!  Tiff!  Angus is humping my foot!  Tiff!  Make him stop!"


TBFT:  Holy crap. Our neighbors are all dressed up like knights and going to one of those weird parties.
Me:  Really?  That's weird. I wonder where the party is.
*15 minutes later*
Me:  What the heck?
TBFT:  What do you see?
Me:  A bunch of torches!
TBFT:  Great.  We moved down the road from Satan.


And now, a few gems from other boys in my life.

Little Brother:  I've seen you posting these pregnancy pictures on Facebook.  That's all fine.  But if you post one with your shirt rolled up over your big bare belly, I will unfriend you.


My Mom:  I don't know how you are going to make it two more months!  Where will that baby go?
My Dad:  They better not have him too early, have you guys even been married 9 months yet?
Me:  *counting*  No.  We've got to make it to July 25 so people don't talk.
My Dad:  This is hilarious, I can't wait to tell people at the family reunion!


Little Brother:  Would it be inappropriate if I bought a onesie that says, "I'm proof my mommy puts out?"
Me:  Yea, pretty sure that crosses the line.
Litte Brother:  What?  The baby can't read!
Me:  Where would you even find a onesie like that?
Little Brother:  I googled inappropriate onesies.
*For the record, he went this this one instead.*

Funny Conversations with The Boy from Texas (Part VII)

And, so, the series continues.

*While driving around after purchasing our new John Deere shredder, we see a new corvette.*
Me:  Is it bad that I'm more excited about our shredder than I would be that car?
TBFT:  That's why I married you.

---

*While watching that movie Inglorious Bastards where Brad Pitt and the Americans kill the Nazis (I wouldn't really recommend it...)*
TBFT:  "I'm German.  If I had any loyalty to the motherland, I wouldn't be watching this."

---

TBFT:  I want a brownie and ice cream for dessert.
Me:  Sigh.  We're both going to weigh like 500 pounds.
TBFT:  Well, we both love each other.  That's all that matters.  Make the brownie.

---

TBFT (on the phone with his dad):  "Yea, she's feeling better.  Last week, she finally stopped throwing up all the time and started getting fat."

---

TBFT:  "Wow, you friend is a nice guy.  But he talks more than you.  I didn't think that was possible!"

---

*Driving home from picking up the shredder and parts for him to work on our tractor.*

Me:  Can we stop for some ice cream?

TBFT:  We don't have time for that, I've got serious work to do.

---

Me:  I always get confused, is the hood on the car the part that goes over the engine or the part that's like the roof?

TBFT:  100% of people call the hood the part that opens over the engine.  The roof is the roof and the trunk is in the back.  This is like first grade coloring car pictures.  Are you serious right now?

Funny Conversations with The Boy from Texas (Part VI)

I know we just did one of these, but seriously, I had 5 more in the last week.  It's been interesting at the Little House on the Prairie.

TBFT:  You don't throw up correctly.
Me:  Excuse me?
TBFT:  I mean, it sounds more like coughing and hacking.  It's like you're hacking up.
Me:  Um.....sorry?

---

*One Saturday morning after I had started my day "hacking up"*
Me:  Okay, I made breakfast.
TBFT:  Awesome, what are we having?
Me:  Eggs and cheese in a tortilla.
TBFT:  What, no bacon?

(FYI.....probably NOT the best thing to say in this situation.)

---

*Meeting our doctor for the first time.*
Doctor:  I know this is your first, so there are no stupid questions.  There may be a lot you guys don't know yet.
TBFT:  Just assume we know nothing, doc.  Absolutely nothing.


---

*Looking at baby items for our registry.*
TBFT:  This is stupid.  There is too much crap and it's all way too expensive.
Me:  I know, but we have to choose a carseat.
TBFT: *Almost screaming.*  Well then I like this one.  Look at that, you could probably throw it against the wall and the baby would still be fine.
Me:  You stop that right now or we are leaving this store!
TBFT:  What did I say?

(And now we are on some Child Protective Services watch list.)

---
*Leaving said store after looking at baby items.  Woman comes in lugging a big box with something baby related to return.  The Boy from Texas turns around to gawk at her.*
Me:  What are you doing?
TBFT:  I need to see what she's bringing back so we don't put it in our list.

---

*After a morning of me throwing up (you see this is pretty much all we talk about)*
TBFT:  I think maybe you should drink a beer.
Me:  What?!?
TBFT:  Yea, drink a beer.  Maybe that will help, there's carbohydrates in there.
Me:  You know what's in here causing this, right?
TBFT:  Oh, yea, I mean, probably one beer wouldn't hurt that much.

Funny Conversations with the Boy from Texas (Part V)

There have been some good ones lately.  He's clever, that husband of mine.

TBFT:  *Inspecting my plate after dinner.*  You left three pieces of chicken.

Me:  I know, I don't want them.  I ate all the rice and vegetables.

TBFT:  Eat the chicken right now.

Me:  I don't want it.

TBFT:  You are not getting up from that chair until you eat the chicken.

Me:  I'm not eating the chicken.

TBFT:  I'm going to sit on your stomach and make you eat it, it's for the baby!

Me:  Think about that last statement.

TBFT:  Okay, I won't sit on your stomach, but eat the chicken.

---

TBFT: What is this stuff?

Me: Pudding and cool whip for a pie.

TBFT: Why is it sugar free and low fat? You need to gain weight, quit buying healthy food.

Me: Not sure, but I don't think pudding and cool whip are ever "healthy food."

---

*Ongoing discussion about wills and Godparents and guardians and all that adult stuff.*

Me:  Do you just want to worry about it later?

TBFT:  No.  This is the kind of stuff you have to talk about so that you're not a sucky parent.  We're talking about it!

---

*Watching America's Next Top Model.*

TBFT:  YOU watch this crap?

Me:  I know it's bad, but I just got sucked in.

*10 minutes later, he starts shaking his head.

TBFT:  I need this baby to be a boy. Please, a boy.

---

Me:  What will we do if our kid wants to play soccer?

TBFT:  Well, I guess that would be okay.  Not my favorite sport, but okay.

Me:  What will we do if our kid wants to rodeo?

TBFT:  Ugh.  We'd really have to talk about that idea.

Me:  What will we do if our kid wants to be in the band?

TBFT:  We'll bust his butt and tell him to be serious.

---

TBFT:  I don't like this shirt, it doesn't fit right.

Me:  Yea, your shoulders are too big, that's the problem.

TBFT:  *Giggles* You're the one that's going to be a problem for in a few months.

---

*Eating at this hibachi restaurant we like.

Me:  This is so good, the baby must like hibachi.

TBFT:  Good.

Me:  Maybe we're having an Asian baby.

TBFT:  We sure as heck better not be!

Funny Conversations with the Boys in My Life (Part IV)

Today some of the heat is going to be taken off of The Boy from Texas as I share a few quotes with two of the other boys in my life as well:  Little Cowboy and BFF.  I really don't know what I'd do without the wisdom from these three in my life.

BFF:  "I'm going to need you to post a few blogs better suited for those readers who do not have ovaries.  Not hating, I dig it.  This member of your readership is probably going to read it regardless, but maybe i'll get a few gender neutral posts.  Hell, I'll even brainstorm ideas and forward."

Little Cowboy (to me and The Boy from Texas):  How come you two don't sleep in the same bed?
Me:  Because he won't stinkin' marry me!
Little Cowboy:  *shakes his head*
The Boy from Texas:  Yet!  Yet!  Don't say it like that and make him mad!

Little Cowboy (at the sheep sale after he told people the lambs were all $1,000, cash only.):  Um, Tiff, this price thing we have going just isn't going over that well.

Little Cowboy:  Tiff, see that kid over there in the red shirt?
Me:  Yea, I see him.
Little Cowboy:  That's the kid who picks on me and my best friend at school.  You know, the one that put me in a headlock.
Me:  You want me to go tell him how it is and that he better not do that crap anymore?
Little Cowboy:  Um.....no.  I mean, yea, kinda.  But you probably better not.  Unless you want to.  But don't.

The Boy from Texas:  It's possible that I'm going to have to be the patient on in this relationship for the rest of our lives.
Me:  There is no doubt you are going to have to do that.  Have fun.

Funny Conversations with The Boy from Texas

It's time for another edition of one of my favorite blog series...Funny Conversations with The Boy from Texas.  The poor subject matter of this little series pretty much dreads these days.  Hehe, sorry, but this stuff is too good not to share!

Funny Conversations With The Boy from Texas

The Boy from Texas (while looking at the cans in his pantry):  Whoa, this one expired in 2011.  Wait, this one is 2006!
Me:  That's ridiculous. 
The Boy from Texas:  They've moved with me from a lot of different houses.  *Closes pantry.*
Me:  Why did you close that without throwing them away?
The Boy from Texas:  I bet if we were in a war someone would eat them.

 *Text message conversation*
Me:  Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
TBFT:  Heck no.  Why?
Me:  Oh some people that Jennifer works with do that and I was wondering if this was common and I just didn't know.  I kinda want to add it to my bucket list.
*Phone rings*
Me:  Hello.
TBFT:  Do NOT pick up a hitchhiker.  Are you listening to me?  Do not.  Scratch that idea off the list right now.

*The Boy from Texas and Little Brother get yelled at by my father and told to put the guns away after an incident at Thanksgiving....*
Me (to my sister in law):  That's your husband.
Sister in law:  You brought the other one.

TBFT:  (on the ski lift) My boots are not comfortable, my neck is cold, I had to wait in line, and stupid people keep getting in my way.
Me:  Okay, how about you tell me something positive today, what is something good?
TBFT:  I get to ski.  Oh, and I almost sh** my pants, but I didn't. (I presume he was having a hard time getting to the bathroom due to climbing stairs in his boots and taking off three layers of ski clothes, but I didn't ask questions.)
Me:  Well, there ya go.  It's a good day.

*On Freemont Street in Las Vegas.*
TBFT:  Honey, look, show girls!  Here, take my picture.
Me:  Is this really happening?
*Said show girls hike their legs over their head and he gets a big grin on his face.*
TBFT:  Well I didn't know they were gonna do that!  *little giggle*  We better put this on Facebook.

Some Funny Conversations with The Boy From Texas

The Boy from Texas is pretty clever.  He makes me laugh.  So I've jotted down some funny conversations that have happened lately.  Now he's no Little Cowboy (I've got to get another post from him ASAP, I know), he's pretty comical anyway.

Number 1:
Me (about 11:00 one night):  A lot happened today!  I made a list of things to tell you.
The Boy:  Okay....
Me:  First, I was all over killing the ants in my back yard today (proceed to tell him the long drawn out story).  Second, Sarge came home (proceed to tell him the long drawn out story).  Third....
The Boy:  Um....honey....exactly how many items are on this list?


Number 2:
Me:  So are you going to come to The Mud Run that I told you about?
The Boy:  Oh, I talked to Aunt Evil Kineval and Queso about it and they're going, so I have to go!
Me:  You'd have thought that...you know...your girlfriend going would have been good enough.
The Boy:  I mean, I want to see you too....

The Boy and The Aunts

Number 3:
Me:  (Telling him a story about girls asking boyfriends permission to do things.)
The Boy:  When are you going to start asking me for permission to go places?
Me:  I think you know the answer to that question.
The Boy:  Yep.


Number 4:
The Boy:  I'm at your Aunt and Uncle's house, but they don't have any water.
Me:  Is she going to make you smothered burritos for dinner?
The Boy:  Um...I just said they had NO WATER.  No one is cooking.
Me:  Oh.  Yea.
The Boy:  It's a good thing you're cute.


Number 5:
The Boy:  I bought you something.  I'm sending it in the mail.
Me:  Ahh!  I am so excited, I love getting presents in the mail!
The Boy:  Don't get too excited.  It's not a ring or anything.
Me:  I know I'm pretty laid back about stuff, but do not ever propose to me via mail.

Number 6:

(I send him a picture collage that shows him that I'm sitting at his house--I came to surprise him.  He calls right away.)

Me:  Hello.
The Boy:  Are you seriously sitting on my couch right now?
Me:  Why yes.  Yes I am.
The Boy:  *giggle*  You turd head.  *giggle* 
(Yep, apparently we're mature like that.)