Valentine's Day Thoughts

“I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.  Simply because life is too short to cry for anything.”  ~ Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

We've got a three-part blog of random, unrelated thoughts for Valentine's Day today.

First, as I think I have probably said every year since I've had this blog, Valentine's Day always makes me think of my sweet friend First Valentine.  He was quite the gift giver circa 1995 and the 5th grade.  I mean candy and teddy bears and a homemade card (that I still keep and is seriously one of my most treasured items from grade school).  Plus he always wrote me notes in class and held my hand on the playground.  He set this girl's expectations pretty high even in the 5th grade.  You've read before about how those are still my favorite memories of Valentine's Day.  He would have been 29 a couple of weeks ago, so February always makes me think of the great memories that I have of him.  I sure do miss that kid.

Second, I'm going back to my soapbox from last year about how instead of being all depressed and whining about not having a boyfriend, single girls should spend today appreciating the love that they do have in their lives.  Last year, I deemed this Love in My Life Awareness Day.  I'm sticking with that today, and I am beyond grateful for all of the people who love me.

Third, in keeping with my single lady tradition, I bought myself a Valentine's Day gift.  For the last couple of years, said gift has been a fun pair of shoes.  You know...zebra stilletos or bright red pumps.  But this year I changed it up a big and got myself a decorative sign to hang in my kitchen.  I saw this last week at my friend's house and seriously freaked out.  I rushed home and had this baby headed to my own kitchen within an hour.  What is it, you ask?

Is that not the funniest thing that you've ever seen?  I just love it....Happy Valentine's Day to me!  And to First Valentine in Heaven.  And to all of you!

Letters to Mr. Right: Letter #9

"Say not in grief: 'He is no more', but live in thankfulness that he was." ~Hebrew Proverb

Dear Mr. Right,

I think that the thing that makes me the most sad about you not being here yet is that you didn't get to meet some really great people.

You won't understand that when people say things like "Hogan's goat" or "Sweet Petunia" they are quoting Mr. Franklin. And you won't know what my cousins and brother mean when we talk about Faye's weenies. Likewise, the phrase "Aunt Jean candies" means nothing to you. You won't get to hear this one laugh that could make a whole room crack up for no reason at all. You won't get to meet First Valentine who got me a passing grade in home ec, and blame him for my inability to be domestic. You'll be confused when I drop everything if Paul Harvey comes on the radio and enjoy watching MASH episodes even when I can quote them line by line. Those are thanks to Gran, by the way. And to you, pink cowboy boots are just pink cowboy boots. rather than what found me my best friends.

But hopefully, if I'm doing anything right, you'll see parts of these people in me.

Beyond that, I guess you'll just have to learn as you go.

Waiting for that day,

Me

Photo via

3 Years

“You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he has lived." ~David Harkins

Three years ago today, First Valentine went to Heaven. I still remember getting the phone call from Teacher Friend. I was walking across the living room of my apartment and I literally fell ot the floor that Sunday night. I had just seen him two days before. And I had bought cookies to take to him in the hospital on my way to law school the next day. But that day...that opportunity...never came.

Today, instead of remembering the sad, I wanted to remember the happy and the funny and the silly stories about First Valentine. He'd like that better anyway. So Teacher Friend, The Cheerleader and I got together to do some reminessing!

1. Teacher Friend had a twin brother. One day in elementary scohol, we were all sitting around talking about where we were born. First Valentine said Oakland. I said Albuquerque. Teacher Friend said Amarillo. First Valentine looked at Teacher Friend's brother and said, "What about you?" The brother looked at him like he was stupid and said, "Phoenix." First Valentine said cool. He never clicked...nor did he ever live it down.

2. In 6th grade, all of the boys, The Cheerleader and I got sent to the Superintendent's office. Twice. Once for playing tackle football and hurting Teacher Friend's twin brother. And once for playing too rought on the buck-a-bounce and hurting Teacher Friend's twin brother. On the way to the office the second time, First Valentine threatened to beat him up if he got hurt again. Ha!
3. He had this ridiculous inability to say the word "magazine." Instead, he said the "g" sound, like a "j" sound. It drove me crazy. I am about 90% sure that he did it on purpose.

4. First Valentine always picked me as the first girl when choosing teams. Sometimes, like in kickball, this wasn't that much of a gesture because, well I'm just going to say it, I was really, really awesome at kickball. But sometimes, it was making a pretty big sacrifice. Like in swimming relays. The Cheerleader was far and away the best swimmer. But if First Valentine was picking teams, I got chosen first. And we probably got beat. Sorry about that, buddy!

5. One day First Valentine and Teacher Friend's brother went swimming in the stock tank at their house. They didn't have any swimming trunks, so they just went in their underwear. Apparently they got worried that they might get in trouble for swimming, so they didn't want any evidence. Apparently they buried their underwear somewhere near the tank and went commando the rest of the day.

6. In second grade, First Valentine and Teacher Friend got in trouble. Another boy wrote Teacher Friend a note that said, "I love you, I love you, I love you" and they wrote back, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." They had to write sentences as punishment. I don't think "I hate you" was the sentence they were assigned!

7. One day, First Valentine, The Cheerleader, another boy and I all got in trouble for something in Mrs. Graham's class....probably passing notes. If not, we should have gotten in trouble for that. Our punishment lasted about 5 minutes until she realized that she left something at her house and sent the four of us to go get it. I think times were different then....what teacher sends 2 boys and 2 girls to her house during the middle of school?

8. In high school, First Valentine convinced The Cheerleader to try chewing tobacco for the first time at baseball practice. He was a bad influence.....she threw up on the field!
9. Once in high school, First Valentine took me to a football game in a town about an hour or so away. He was driving the shiny red camero that he loved. I mean...LOVED....like pulled out some sort of cleaning rag to wipe it down after we got off my dirt road and back on the highway. Well, somehow, I convinced him to let me drive it part of the way home that night. I have never seen someone that nervous in a car (and if you know my mom, that's saying alot!) and I finally just pulled over and told him to drive because he was killing my fun.

10. You already heard about how he saved me from failing Home Ec in the 8th grade. (If you missed that prior blog--go read it. It's a good one.) This explains why I had gone out and bought cookies to take to the hospital, rather than making them myself. He knew me too well for that.

Anyway, now you know First Valentine a little too. And now you know why August 31 is such a hard day for his family and friends every year. Please keep his family in your prayers today.

My Valentine's Day Blog

"The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun." ~ Carrie Bradshaw, SATC

It's Valentine's Day. In celebration of that, I give you my favorite heart photograph. (Cousin Whitney, College Roomie, Me and the Oklahoma Girls in San Francisco!)

Most blogs will probably be one of two things today: (a) I am so lucky to be in love with someone so great; or (b) I hate this day and want it to end. Well, I can't write about (a) and I refuse to write about (b), so....let's try a different approach.

This year I tried to write a new Valentine's post, but I just couldn't get away from the post I wrote last year. If you're new to the blog since last February, go read it here. Because try as I might, I couldn't do any better. (And if you do go read it, and want to hear the rest of the home ec story, click here.) Each year on this day, my thoughts turn to the same place, and to my friend, First Valentine.

Beyond that, I want to share a fun Valentine's Day tradition that I started last year. Remember the teaser photograph from yesterday? Drumroll please......buying myself shoes for Valentine's Day! At the rate I'm going, I might have quite the collection by the time Mr. Right comes along! Anyway, the shoes.....

Last year, they looked like this:

This year, they look like this. LOVE that I found red ones--very festive, wouldn't you say?

So yes....today I am reminessing about the good ol' Valentine's Days and enjoying my new shoes. I think that this all sounds pretty fantastic to me!

Throwback Thursday (on Tuesday) #31: Home Ec Hero

“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.” ~ The Crow

First Valentine has been on my mind a lot here lately. Two years ago today, he passed away. He was one of those people who everyone loved, and everyone misses. But instead of dwelling on the sad, I thought I would do a little throwback (on Tuesday instead of Thursday this week) to one of my favorite First Valentine stories.

When we were in the 8th grade, we had to take half a semester of Home Ec. When I say "had to" you know it was mandatory or else I would NEVER have been in there! We only had like 15 people or so in our class, so they split us in half for the class. I was in a class with two girls and about 6 boys.

Our first project was to sew a pillow. Of course, because they were trying to teach us how to use a sewing machine (yea because that's practical...) we had to do a patchwork pillow. I still remember cutting out little squares of yellow and sunflower fabric for my pillow. That part I was able to handle without too much trouble.

Then it came time to actually sew the pillow. I got started and it was a disaster. I couldn't make the sewing machine to straight, If I did get the seam straight I would have made it too far in on the fabric so the squares were different sizes. Had the goal of the class been to learn how to use a seam ripper and start over, I would have totally nailed it.

As it was, I was about to fail Home Ec. I'm not talking like "Oh, haha Tiffany got a B" but seriously failing. That's when First Valentine took pity on me and came to the rescue. One day our teacher got called out of the room for some sort of meeting. First Valentine took the pillow away from me and sewed it all by the time she got back (mind you I worked on this for weeks and got nowhere and it took him like 20 minutes!). He saved the day (and the GPA) big time!

Now, you'd think he would have learned that I was a Home Ec failure. But when it came time to pick groups of people for the cooking portion of the class, him and two other kind boys chose me. One of them said, "This is good...she's a girl!" Little did he know!

So it was me and three boys tasked with making a mexican food dinner for the class. After I had to ask a few questions (i.e. "If the liquid and dry measuring cups both say 1 Cup, is that the same amount?" or "Is this supposed to be all lumpy?"), the boys quickly figured out my calling in the kitchen. Looking cute and chopping lettuce. They handled the tostadas, beans, rice and sopapillas. I chopped my lettuce. We all got As.

There's something special about friends who have known you since you were a kid. Friends who grew up with you and changed with you and know things about you that no one else does. Friends who support you and put up with you even when you are totally helpless and hopeless. First Valentine was one of those friends for me. I still miss him every day.

Postcards from Heaven

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” ~Eskimo Legend

I recently read a great book by Dan Gordon called Postcards from Heaven. I'd totally recommend it---super short, easy read. The book is made up of stories from the author's life. Each story is about a different person who he has lost--his father, his grandmother, his mother, his son. He talks about their lives, their deaths, and how he believes that these people have sent him what he calls "postcards from heaven."


Here is his description:

"Nearly all of us either have had or have heard of an experience in which a soul already departed reaches back to those of us who have been left behind in this world with a reassuring touch. Sometimes it's no more than a whisper, a familiar smell in the air, or just the feeling of presence as vivid as when the loved on was still alive. These moments are just that...moments, a glimpse behind the veil; not a letter from heaven, but a postcard...."

I absolutely loved this idea! Think about it....when you've lost someone you love, how many times have you heard a song that reminds you of them out of the blue, or smelled their cologne or perfume, or randomly ran into someone who knew that person. I know that these things have happened to me more than once and I can't tell you how touching it is.

I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, and I'm not going to get all sad and serious on the blog. I've said before, there are some things that are just too important for the blog. But I will tell you a couple of stories that are a little lighter and illustrate the point.

The first occurred in an airport line in New York City. I was flying back home from vacation and we were waiting in what seemed to be an un-ending security line at LaGuardia. I was wearing a t-shirt from the memorial roping that is held every year for my little brother's best friend who passed away in 2004 (you've read about him briefly before). The shirt had a picture of him on it. A woman standing a few people behind me came up and said, "I know that boy."

Now, it was early in the morning and I was worn out from running all over the Big Apple, but I was pretty sure this woman was crazy. I told her she must be mistaken because he was from New Mexico. She said, "I know. He was a cowboy and he was killed in a drinking and driving accident. I saw it on tv." And then she said his name. Okay--I was convinced! She had seen a program that his family was on for MADD about drinking and driving. Now what were the odds that two years after he died, I would wear that shirt on that day and be in that line near that woman who had watched that program. Probably not very likely....a postcard.

Another happened not too long ago. You've read before about First Valentine. Well, in the 5th grade, we had a talent show at school. It's funny, because I don't remember what anyone else did in the talent show at all....but I remember him singing a Joe Diffie song, "Junior's In Love" (by the way, I still think it's a great song so you should check it out on iTunes!). Because we're talking circa 1994, I remember having the cassette tape with this song on it and listening to it on my walkman. Sigh. The good ol' days!

Anyway.....several months ago I had gone out one Friday night with some friends. Afterwards, we all piled into one of my friend's truck and headed to get some food. He turned on his cd player and what came on but "Junior's In Love." I hadn't heard that song in years and I certainly would not have thought it was on a cd.....but there it was blaring on the stereo. With a few tears in my eyes, I told him that he'd need to play it one more time, and that we'd all need to sing along. Another postcard.

These and other postcard type experiences have meant a lot to me in my life. Believing that our loved ones are in a better place is a hope that I am so grateful to have, and one that I don't know how I could live without.

So, look around you. Pay attention. You might just have a postcard with your name on it....

Happiness Project Month 1: Increasing Energy

“Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

First month of the Happiness Project down. (Quick side note--the author of the book, herself, commented on my first post! This was so one of the most exciting things to happen in my blogging experience.)

The goal of the first month is to improve my energy level. The author of the book set four goals: to sleep more; to exercise more; to clear out clutter; and to act energetic. So, because I'm pretty good about sleeping and exercising, and I'm not sure how much I believe the "act how you want to feel" mantra, I improvised a little.

I identified three goals: napping, cleaning and clearing out clutter.


1. Napping: I love to take a nap. Seriously, I'd rather get up early and be able to sleep for an hour in the afternoon. I blame my Gran for this--you read about her recently--she took a nap every afternoon when I was growing up and I thought it was really cool! Since I have a job where I'm crazy busy (and bill by the hour!) napping during the week is not an option. So, instead, I decided that I'd include time for one nap every weekend. So far, it's worked out well and I do think it improves my mood.

2. Cleaning: So I'm a very organized person, but I tend to let cleaning slide a bit. It just seems to take so much time and energy to dust and mop and vaacum (is it two a's or two u's in that word? or two c's? I don't know) and clean the shower. For a while now I've just felt sort of overwhelmed and like I spent too much of my weekend doing this stuff. I knew a couple of people who I went to law school with or work with who hired someone to clean for them once every other week or so. I felt really guilty about this--who did I think I was that I was too good to do my own cleaning? Yea....then I asked around and realzied EVERYONE I work with and a ton of other young lawyers I know have one. I invested. Pretty sure when I walked in after she was done and my house smelled like heaven, it was well worth the money! Happy---check!


3. Clearing out clutter: This has been AMAZING for me! Like I said, I'm very organized. If you came into my house, things would pretty much be put away where they belong and I could tell you where they were. I am, however, also somewhat of a packrat. I blame my Gran for this as well. She grew up in the depression and saved everything. When she died and we cleaned out the kitchen, I bet she had a million canning jars and those plastic bags you put fruit in at the grocery store. She had medicine that expired ten years earlier and a case full of fake teeth. Apparently, she rubbed off on me.

Well, the author of the book had a couple rules. If you save something because you "might need to use it later" you need to throw it away. And if you save something for purely sentimental reasons, throw it away. (There are exceptions of course---pictures, family heirloom jewelery, etc.) The last rule College Roomie and I developed....."Free clutter is still clutter."

So I started out in my office area. I threw away 7 bags full of stuff one weekend. Old cases I printed out for law school my first year. Old books, folders, magazines. I moved a shelf of plastic drawers from the bathroom to the office and found medicine that expired when I was still in high school and lotion I remember buying in the 8th grade. I found a sample size cologne that was the kind First Valentine wore....which indicates this has been around since circa 6th grade. Yea. It was amazing. I so should have done a before picture, but here's an after.

Then I moved to my laundry room, which was full of boxes and junk and totally a mess. I moved in some shelves, discovered that my dryer was jacked up (you read about that earlier) and threw out 5 more loads of stuff. Again, no before picture, but here's an after.
The latest project was the garage. While it wasn't a terrible mess, it needed some cleaning out done. My friend who lived here before me planned her whole wedding and kept everything in her garage, so it needed some sweeping away of bits of wedding decor. And I saved my moving boxes which needed to be broken down and neatly put away. Now it looks pretty good if I do say so myself.
Those were my three big goals for cleaning out clutter, but I liked it so much, I expanded into my pantry and closets.
Anyway, so far the Happiness Project has been great. I do feel happier and more productive.
Stay tuned for next month.....the author worked on her marriage the second month. I don't have one of those, so instead I've got a totally different idea, and let me assure you, I'm excited!

The Good Ol' Valentine's Days

"Love is that first feeling you get before all the bad stuff gets in the way." ~Some little kid

I generally complain about Valentine's Day, like any other single girl in America. But this year, instead of my complaining, I thought I'd share the other thought that always comes to mind every year....how much more fun was Valentine's Day when I was a kid!? So here we go, Valentine's Day 5th Grade.....circa 1995.


First off...relationships (if you can call them that) were better in the 5th grade. I mean really......they were easier, there was no pressure, none of the cute boys were married....see? Easier!

Your entire relationship was based on holding hands on the playground, always picking the other person first for kickball, passing notes in class and occasionally being brave enough to call the person on the phone. Why did things have to get complicated? I sort of miss that 5th grade state of mind. Because the relationships were better, the Valentine's Days were better. I feel the need to share a few Valentine's Day stories from better times.

The first will involve me and my 5th grade boyfriend. We'll call him FirstValentine. I remember him bringing me candy and a teddy bear and a card....all on one Valentine's Day! I haven't gotten something that good in the fifteen years since! Remember those card machines that were at like Wal-Mart and you could design them yourself? Yep....it was one of those. Creative and sweet. I still have that card. Like I say, they just don't make Valentine's Day like they used to.

Another example involves two of my friends from my 5th grade class. We'll call them Tom Cruise and the cheerleader. Tom Cruise liked the cheerleader, but she didnt' seem so sure. In order to win her over, he hand-made her a gift.....it was made of Dallas Cowboys fabric (her favorite team) and ended up in the shape of Gumby. I still think back to that and about how cute it was that he made her something from scratch, focusing on what she liked. Sigh.....I have never received my own Gumby, but I frequently remind the cheerleader about hers.

Next fond memory, in 5th grade, everyone had to get a valentine from everyone else. Now, of course, not everyone had to get Gumby dolls or teddy bears, but everyone at least got one of those little valentine's that came in a box from everyone else in class. This equated to getting like 15 cards! Woo hoo!

And last thing, there was a party that everyone was invited to, whether you had a date or not. You didn't have to worry about being the third wheel. Everybody's mom brought junk food and cokes and we all watched a movie. Again, no pressure, no judgment, just enjoying the holiday. Yep, those were the good ol' days.

Oh, and you may wonder what happened to my friends? Apparently great Valentine's Day gifts don't equate to happily ever after for 5th grade romances. Tom Cruise lives in another state with his wife and beautiful baby. The cheerleader lives in a different small town with her two awesome kiddos. FirstValentine ended up in love with his high school sweetheart and they had two adorable kids of their own. We stayed good friends over the years until he passed away a year and a half ago. He was always there for me.....he did all of my home ec assignments and was the only reason that class didn't kill my gpa! I think of him often now, and I have always thought of him on Valentine's Day.

So this year, instead of complaining, I think I might go buy myself some junk food, look for my own gumby doll, watch a movie, and pretend I'm back in 5th grade again.