For the Single Ladies

It's the day of the year that can strike fear in the hearts of single ladies everywhere.  Valentine's Day. I remember, oh, do I remember.  

I'm not going to sugar coat it for you.  Being a single lady in her late twenties was hard.  Real hard.  I know what it's like to go to multiple weddings alone.....your younger sibling, your best friends, your former love.  I remember what it felt like to watch everyone else finding Mr. Right and feeling like mine must not exist.  I cried.  I prayed.  I struggled.

And on Valentine's Day, the situation often got even worse.  One time, the boy who I thought I was in love with took me for a $4 dinner and out to the bar, only to come over later and tell me he needed to drop me off early because another girl was going to come out at meet him.  Ouch.  Another, Valentine's Day, I went to a rom com alone at the movie theater.  There I was, solo, in a room full of couples out on their dates.  But I didn't stop there.  Because I'm cheap, I smuggled in food, which I then offered to share with those young couples around me.  "Do you kids want some fruit," said the old spinster.  Yep.  It happened.

But you know what?  I also lived.  I mean really lived.  I traveled the world.  Went crazy on a bucket list.  I collected cute shoes and spent too much money on football tickets.  I flew across states to surprise friends at their baby showers and saw a river dyed green and ate pizza and drank wine in Rome.  I ran half marathons and rode on ferries and have never missed a family ski trip.  I've ziplined through the jungle and prayed before relics and run with my aunts through the mud.

And all that living I did?  I have absolutely no doubt that it prepared me to recognize Mr. Right when he showed up.  Equally as important, I firmly believe that living helped me to discover the person who I am called to be.

So today.....you go live.  Do something crazy.  Set a wild goal.  Offer some dried fruit to kids at the movie theater.  Because you don't have time to sit around dwelling on what you don't have, you're too busy becoming who you should be.  Enjoy every minute.

What Should I Say to My Single Friends (Part 3)

Today is the last blog in our series.....I thought I'd go the flip side and ask my single girlfriend what things people say that they probably mean to be encouraging, but are actually totally annoying.  They made quite the list!

Single people are fun too.

 So let's consider putting these on the "not to be uttered" list, shall we?

"You're trying too hard."  It doesn’t bother me when people say things like “he’s out there somewhere” or “give it time” because I think those cliches are sincere and absolutely true.  But I positively hate when people say things like “you’re trying too hard.”  Excuse me?  How do you know I’m trying so hard?  Do you know something I don’t?  Because you know what i’m doing right now?  I’m sitting on the couch eating some soup and watching Netflix.  I had no idea that I’ve been actively recruiting potential boyfriends in sweatpants on my couch this entire time.

"It will come when you least expect it"

"You're still so young"

 "Its not you"

Don't make dumb suggestions of who I could date.  I get so tired of "well (you have to draw this well out. weaaaalllll..) you could always date {insert name here}" as if I am invited to a dinner party last minute and looking for something decent to wear in my closet. "Oh hey, this dress isn't too wrinkled. It will work for the occasion." "{insert name here} is single and not too old, he has some baggage but he's not too messed up."  Come on people!!


 "You are too good for them" (which i never can figure out, if I'm too good for them, then it would be MY choice to be with them or not)


"At least you don't have to take care of someone else." - This actually makes me sad for the person who tells me this. Why do you feel you HAVE to take care of the person you are married to? Why do you not WANT to care for your spouse?

"You should pray more about it."- I completely understand this, and trust me I pray for my husband on the regular. But if I bug the Big Man upstairs one more time about a spouse he is actually going to spite me for not praying for other attributes and people. You pray for me since you are so concerned about my marital status.

"People are getting married and having kids later and later now. I'm sure you'll find him."- Thanks, it was my plan all along to not find him till ..."later and later" becomes an issue. Also, why do I have to find him? Why can't he find me?

"I envy you and all the adventures you get to take....because it is just you." - You had to throw that last part in, didn't you? Why do you not take adventures with your significant other? Having fun and doing amazing things should not stop when you find The One.

"We all have to kiss a lot of frogs." Because thinking of men as amphibian creatures is exactly what I want to hear when I am dating and you have a Prince Charming. Also if you are married to your high school sweetheart or the first guy you kissed, DO NOT SAY THIS.

"But you are so great, the whole package. I just don't understand how someone hasn't snatched you up yet." or "I always pictured you being married with kids by now." Thank you, now I am going to go home and think about what dark, twisty part of me is repelling men from "snatching me up."

"Our relationship is just perfect. You'll find that too." This is the one that kills me; it makes me question a lot about a relationship when I am in one, or makes me apprehensive to commit to a new one. I will be the first to own up to never having a perfect relationship, and I think that is just fine. However, when people tell me their relationship is perfect, it makes me doubt myself and whoever I am dating at the time, or not dating. Do I have to find perfect? Do you not have disagreements or misunderstanding? Do you really agree on everything? Do you think it is okay that he leaves his socks inside out on the bathroom floor? Because if "perfection" is what I am supposed to look for, I don't think that is going to happen. I think I am going to marry someone perfect for me, but I have no expectation for a "perfect relationship" at all times.

What Should I Say To My Single Friends (Part 2)

Today, we're going to some of the most fun, amazing, smart, beautiful girls I know to get their take on the question.  Each of these ladies are still out there in the trenches taking grenades from people---you know, "Honey, you know your not getting any younger" and so forth.  I wanted to get their take on this topic.  So you're going to hear from lawyers and government employees and pharmacists and teachers from three different states today....we've got a variety of backgrounds, professions, and personalities here, so I think we've pulled together lots of good advice on what is encouraging to them in the single chapter.

It's not what you should say, but what you should do.  Keep inviting us out (and other singles so we don't feel like the 3rd wheel all the time), have dinner, go get that pedi, take time to chat on the phone, weekend snowboarding. Girls days like they used to be.....let us pretend for a few hours that we aren't any different than you are. And most of all when we are super down about it and feeling sorry for ourselves, cheer us up, give us alcohol, listen to us bitch and complain, but at the same time try not to let us dwell on it for too long....not necessarily writing it off as what we are feeling isn't important or warranted, but we gotta get back up and move on because lets face it being debbie downer sure isn't going to attract boyfriend/husband material.

My very favorite third wheel photo--dancing with the happy couple.

Be as comfortable about my singleness as I am.   I would just like for people to be as comfortable with my being single as I am. I love being able to sleep in the middle of the bed, spend $100 at the craft store and paint all weekend, or pack up and live on my best friends couch (she's single too) for a whole weekend if I want to. Show me you are proud of me and respect me by not telling me some cockamamie bull about how the right one is out there waiting for me or God has a plan for me or whatever it is that helps YOU sleep at night. I'm single and it's ok. And I don't have time to pat your hand and reassure you that it's ok because I'm kinda busy being awesome.

Remind me to keep living my life and help me do that!  I think it’s always super encouraging to hear that I should keep living my life and enjoying the opportunity to do things on my own terms while I can.  I know that, on their face, comments like that aren’t words of encouragement, per se, and are generally unrelated to how to find a nice boy, but I think that’s why I appreciate it so much!  Also, people tend say it in the context of “hey, if you keep doing your thing and enjoying yourself, you’re going to meet someone great in the process.”  And they’re right—why put your life on hold waiting for someone to show up?  I think it’s incredibly important for young women to understand that they shouldn’t be defined by their relationships, that their worth is in no way correlated to relationship status, and that they should make (and are entitled to) their own happiness. 

Don't push us, appreciate where we are.  Over the years, I have always found it so encouraging to have other women, with husbands and families, support me for what I am doing right this moment and not pushing me into the next step. I recently had an older woman, with a husband and family and whom I respect a lot, tell me how proud of me she was that I am doing what I want and my career choice. I have had several men tell me it is awesome that I am doing exactly what I want right now, and that they hope their daughters do the same thing.

Don't constantly ask about our personal life.  For me, people who are supportive about all the things I am doing without mentioning anything about my relationship status it is so refreshing. If I want to tell you about my personal life and relationship status, I am open enough I will. Many women are the same way: if we want you to know about our relationship status...especially if we are in a relationship....WE WILL TELL YOU! 

Be supportive of where we are now...talk to us about our plans, what we enjoy, what's going on and know it is okay if it does not match the path you took. I want the cute house with a view and a wonderful man for a husband with dogs and kids and all that comes with that. I CANNOT wait for it. But, right this moment that is not where my life is. Right now, I am doing everything I can to make myself a wonderful woman for the man who will be my Mr. Forever while hopefully, he is doing the same thing. So be supportive of the people in your life who are not married, who don't have kids yet, and who maybe don't even want that in their life. Ask them about what they are doing right this moment, what they want to do next, not why they have not done the same thing you have. If you are close friends with them, you already know.

Keep up the annual girls trips.   The number one encouraging thing for me is those annual girl trips....don't stop going on those just because you are married now, its very discouraging and makes me feel like I'm losing out on both friendship as well as love.

What Should I Say To My Single Friends (Part 1)

After the wildly popular Advice to the Single Ladies series earlier this summer, one of my friend made a blog request.  She is married with an adorable little boy, but needed some advice.  "What should I say to encourage my single friends?"  She worried that sometimes her words--although intended as encouragement, were not taken that way from her single girlfriends. 

What a great question! 

First, let me say that I think every girl needs friends who ask questions like these.  Here she is, busy with a baby and a husband and a job and life, but she cares enough about her friends to want to be sure she is offering encouraging words to them.  Hands down the best thing any girl can do--single or not--is find women who encourage, inspire, support, and push you.  Just being a caring friend is encouragement, period, regardless of the words that come out of your mouth.

Me and my girls.

Second, I don't think there is any magic words that will encourage someone about their singleness.  I think at different times, a single girl needs to hear different things.  There were periods of my 20's where I was perfectly content single---jet setting around Europe, going to football games anywhere I wanted, buying shoes anytime my heart desired.  There were also periods where I desperately wanted Mr. Right to show up--when I was playing third wheel, when I sat dateless at weddings, the holidays.  Depending on the season I was in, different words of encouragement would have been helpful at different times.

Finally, I put together what I think is a pretty fool-proof list of four statements that I think are always good.

*  She is great, beautiful, special, fun, smart, and going to make a great wife one day.  I was probably in my mid-twenties and I distinctly remember one of my guy friends commenting that I would be a great wife one day.  I remember it because no one had ever said it to me before, and hearing those words come out of someone's mouth made them seem real to me.  It's easy for a single girl to doubt her worth, to wonder what is wrong with her that no one wants to put a ring on her finger, to feel like she must just not be enough.  In light of that, offering encouragement to counteract those thoughts is always a great idea.

*  Her life is awesome just the way it is now.  The odds are, your single friends are being bombarded with comments that make them feel like they are just waiting for their life to really begin when they walk down the aisle.  I think it's always good to remind them of how great their life is now---point out the good things, encourage them to chase after their dreams, help them come up with fun new ideas.  It's not that you should make it a competition about whether being single or married is better, but I really did appreciate it when people would point out how great my life was right that minute because I often needed the reminder.

*  You will be praying for her.  I always so appreciate knowing that people are praying for me.  I've had friends of all denominations offer to intercede on my behalf during my single years and you better believe I accepted and appreciated every prayer.

*  Would you like to get some ice cream?  Let's be real. This statement is ALWAYS appropriate.  Bottom line, sometimes, there is nothing you can say to make it better.  Ben and Jerry's, though?  Those guys have it handled.

Stay tuned tomorrow to hear thoughts from several of my amazing single friends!

What I Will Miss

"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place.  Like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and place because you'll never be this way ever again."

I'll start this out by saying I absolutely cannot wait to be Mrs. The Boy from Texas.  I cannot wait to live in the same zip code and have dinner together every night and not have to say goodnight on the telephone anymore.  I would trade all of the things below for that in a heartbeat.

But, I'm also mourning a bit what all of that means leaving behind.  It's funny, isn't it?  I spent years---YEARS--wanting to find Mr. Right.  We don't appreciate what we have until it's gone.  We overlook the chapter that we are in because we are so busy looking forward to the next one.

As the current chapter of my life comes to an end....the moving truck will be here in less than 20 days....I've been rather reflective on what I will miss, both about living in College Station and about being single.

Late night adoration.  Hands down my favorite part of College Station is the perpetual adoration chapel at St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church.  It is open 24 hours a day.  There is a perpetual adorer, meaning someone is there praying constantly, day and night, rain or shine.  There is something about it---you can feel God's presence in the room, which, of course, is the point. It has served for me as a place of reflection and peace, prayer and analysis, realization and understanding, pain and celebration.  I love going late at night, when it is quiet and dark and there are only a couple of other people there.  I do my best praying there....and I like to think I do my best listening there as well.  It is an experience I will miss.

 

Eating Wheat Thins for dinner.  I suppose this one is about more than Wheat Thins, although I do love those little crackers. I will no longer be responsible only for me.  I'll have another person to think about, whose needs matter, and who probably is not going to be satisfied if I offer him up a few crackers of out a box and pass that off as dinner.  Being single for so long has really allowed me to focus on me.  In some ways, I've been selfish---traveling where I want, doing what I want, buying what I want.  Bucket list trip to Chicago to see the green river with one of my favorite girls?  Yep.  Europe twice?  Yep.  Football games out the wazoo?  Yep. 

But I also think on some ways it has let me be more generous--I am able to donate to causes, help others, send surprise gifts without ever having to run these expenses by another person.  I know the transition into taking another person's feelings and opinions and needs into account is going to take some adjusting.

Sleeping sans snoring.  The Boy from Texas snores.  There.  I said it.  I'm quite used to sleeping in the quiet of my own room.  Well, with the exception of the train that comes blowing by a couple times a night.  I remember the first night I was in my house, I was sharing an air mattress with College Roomie.  The 2:00 am train whistle about gave us both a heart attack.  Now?  I don't even hear a thing anymore.  I sure hope this snoring situation will turn out like that train situation did.  Because if not, we're going to some sort of sleep doctor and investing in some nasal spray.  Pronto.


  La Bodega Tacos.  I mean, y'all don't understand. People can yap about the Dixie Chicken burgers or Lane's chicken or whatever the heck else is famous about College Station, but this place has a little taco bar with the best steak tacos that I've ever put into my mouth.  And I like to think I'm quite the taco connoisseur.  Those little bits of goodness on a plate, I will certainly long for when I'm gone.

Seeing other runners out and about.  I run solo.  Well, I used to run with College Roomie and listen to her whining about how none of it was fun, but then I moved.  Then I ran here with Cowgirl in Aggieland, but then she moved for the semester.  So, I've been hitting the pavement with just my trusty "New Running" playlist. But there are always lots of other runners on the sidewalks.  And for some reason, that's motivational to me.  Sort of a "you're not alone in this" type of feeling.  When I've run around the neighborhood where The Boy from Texas and I will be living, people have just stared.  I guess it's not too often a young, blonde girl comes jogging through a town of 1000 people.  They don't seem to understand me.  But they usually do prevent their dogs from attacking, so that's a bonus.

Decorating my house with my stuff.  For the most part, I really like the style of decor The Boy from Texas uses in his house.  It's more western than me, but not punchy.  I think we're going to be able to agree on most things just fine.  But as I pack up some of my stuff here, I feel like I'm not sure where it fits anymore.  The water color paintings of San Francisco are a great example.  They are beautiful.  They remind me of an amazing, life-changing summer.  Of a dream I went after and then decided to let go.  Maybe if something didn't fit in my life, it doesn't fit on my wall?

 

My sweet work friends.  Especially my office neighbor who brought me this smorgasbord of goodness yesterday for no reason.  Yes.  Her, I will miss.

HEB and Bucees.  I've written odes to these places before.  HEB is the most amazing grocery store.  It even makes you sort of enjoy grocery shopping.  They have all the best stuff.  Amazing produce.  A homemade tortilla stand.  With samples.  Sigh.  I get sad just thinking about having to shop anywhere else.  And Bucees, well, it's a gas station.  I know, you're thinking this is a strange thing to miss.  But this is not any gas station.  As Mrs. Arizona said when she saw it, "We just pulled up to a gas station the size of Target."  They have everything.  Candy, baked goods, smoked meats, jerky, warm pecans, brisket sandwiches, great chicken salad, homemade chips, a wall of candy, paintings, beautiful gifts, and Beaver Nugggets.  My Cousin Mem introduced me to those.  I asked her what was in them.  She said, "I don't know, just goodness."  She was right.

So listen up single girls.....enjoy these things.  Be selfish.  Be generous.  Don't ask permission.  Eat Wheat Thins.  Hang your pictures on the wall.  Enjoy the chapter you are in now, but know that the next chapter coming?  Well it's gonna be even better.

Ask Me What's Now

Last week, I read this article written by an unmarried, childless 26 year old.  And guys, she nailed it. Flat nailed it.  

It was like she was putting my own thoughts down on paper (okay, down on a computer screen, but whatever).  Let me share a few of her words (in black) and my thoughts (in orange).  We're about to get a little personal here.  (That means, BFF, this post is probably more geared towards the readership with ovaries.  Don't say I didn't warn you.)

Believe me, I am fully aware that I am unmarried and childless. Heck, I don’t even have a real job at this point in time. I’m aware that I’m getting older. I’m aware that I’m not following the same patterns as my parents or my brothers or many of my peers. I’m aware that my biological clock is ticking. OH MY GOSH I AM SO AWARE.

Listen, as much as you worry about my singleness and the possibility that I might die alone in an apartment full of cats, I worry about it 10 times more.  You're not informing me of something that I've never considered.  In fact, this is probably the thing I think most about, with college football rankings and how many calories were in those cookies I just ate coming in as close seconds.

So when you — friends, family, acquaintances, Twitter followers and blog readers — remind me that I’m far behind where one would expect to be at my age, it makes me feel broken. I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I feel like I’m letting you down or making some horrible mistake.

Broken is a good word for it.  I might use the word unworthy or "not chosen."  I used to tell my friends that being the only single one made me feel a bit like we had all been dogs in the pound and they had all been rescued, yet I was left in the kennel waiting for someone to come along and choose me.  I'm not saying that is reality, but I am saying that is how it feels to a single girl in her late twenties.

Instead of relishing in the freedom, blessings and limitless possibilities that this stage of life offers me, I am left frozen, feeling like I’m not enough. Like what I’ve done doesn’t really matter or that I’ve accomplished nothing. I’m an outcast. I’m defective. I’m panicked. When you comment on my life stage as if there was something I could do to change it, it makes me feel inadequate. Most days I truly do love where I’m at right now, but when people question my marital status, I think I’m messing up my chances to do anything worthwhile with my life.

I used to secretly dread going to my hometown.  Because I really enjoyed my life--I absolutely loved my trips to Europe and cheering at OSU football games and going skiing in the winter and in the summer and being able to sleep in on weekends if I wanted to.  But in my hometown, someone would always point out the life I was missing and make me question whether what I had was any good.

What if my ultimate goal has nothing to do with marriage or kids or a career? What if my aim was to love people well, and to fully embrace the gifts I’ve been given? Would that be enough? What if my life goal was to simply run the race, to be called a good and faithful servant at the end of it all? Maybe that would mean marriage and children and a thriving career, but maybe it wouldn’t. Is it ok if it doesn’t?

That is my favorite paragraph of the entire article.  "What if my aim was to love people well, and to fully embrace the gifts I've been given."  That's what I've tried to do.  To enjoy the experiences and opportunities that have come my way, even when no shiny diamond ring was involved.  To love people well--be that my family or my friends or my friends adorable children or my sweet God Daughter--despite the fact that no one called me mom.  When people make comments that make girls question whether that is enough, those speaking really need to think twice about what they are doing.  Because if you ask me, aiming to love well and embrace the gifts we have been given should always be our aim, period.

I would like to suggest one thing, though: instead of asking me what’s next, ask me what’s now. Ask me what God is teaching me, ask me what I’m struggling with, or what brings me joy. I am learning, I am growing, and I am happy. I would love to tell you all about it.

I am 26 years old. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have children. I don’t have a career. I don’t have what people expect I should have, but I am abundantly blessed with absurd, exhilarating, and fantastic things I would have never dreamed up on my own.

So please, my dear friends, don’t ask me what’s next. Ask me what’s now.

I do hope that you all will consider this the next time you talk to a single, childless twenty something.  Ask her what's now, because my bet is that she thinks her now is pretty great and can't wait to share it with you.

Waiting for Your George Clooney.

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." ~H. Jackson Brown

Everyone in pop culture land has been all yippy yappy about the fact that George Clooney is finally engaged.  It will shock no one that pop culture news is not much my style, but when I read this article, suddenly, I cared.

The woman that George is marrying?  Although I sort of figured her for some 20 year old super model, is actually 36 years old, a human rights attorney, author of a book on special tribunal practice, and she's fluent in three languages.

As the author points out, this lady went out, got an education, traveled the world, made a difference, lived her life, and her reward was a big ol' ring from George Freakin' Clooney.

Our society often gets it backwards, telling girls that they better hurry up and get married or else they will die alone.  I can't tell you how many times people have looked at me with pity because I'm 30 and still single.  I've heard it all.....you're not getting any younger, your eggs are dying, you'll definitely have to settle for a guy with a crazy ex wife, you should get a cat.....blah blah blah.  Screw that nonsense.  There is no timeline by which you have to find love.  And there is no requirement that you can't go out and be awesome while you're looking.

So this is a little note for the single girls out there....you dream big dreams and go get them without worrying that you will never find a husband.  If Prince Charming comes along when you are 20, great.  But if you get to wait a little longer, take heart.  Your George Clooney might be right around the corner.

This is a wholly unrelated picture of the Chihuly exhibit I saw
last year since I don't have a photo of George Clooney to share.

You're Someone's Angelina

I think that after having been one for so long, I am always going to have a special place in my heart for the single ladies.  It's hard, there's just no way around it.  And a lot of the times, a single girl (especially one who is blowing out more than 25 candles on a birthday cake) feels like she's not enough.  Like she's not important.  Like she's not worthy.  Like no one is ever going to choose her.  When I read this quote yesterday from The Single Woman's blog, I just kept nodding my head.  Because it's so true--you are someone's Angelina.  So believe that.  I mean really believe it.  Because it's the truth.  And he's out there.  You just have to find him.

Comparing Chapters

I read this quote last week and thought, "That's exactly right!  I totally do that!"  I constantly refer to it as "getting lapped."  When my friends get married and my ring finger remains empty, that's a lap.  When those friends then have babies, that's a lap.  When they have second babies, there's another.  Some of my friends are like a darn mile ahead of me right now!  It feels like some Kenyan world-record setting marathoner and I'm a chubby girl still chugging along the first curve of the track.

But you know, that's just not the right way for me to look at things. Because sometimes we're on different chapters.  Heck, sometimes were in different books.  But if everyone does their thing and everyone else supports them, well then we all get to the end of the story. 

Meet the Cast Monday #48: Mrs. Arizona

Mrs. Arizona met College Roomie several years back and they became great friends.  I didn't want to miss out on any of the fun, so I butted my way into her life as well.  I'm so glad I did, because this girl is absolutely hilarious.  She has one of those laughs that is infectious and is one of the most fun people I know.  Want photo proof?  Here ya go.

 Here she is.  Meet Mrs. Arizona.

Tell us your engagement story.  {Because it's one of my absolute favorites.}

Oh, the engagement story...that is a good one. Ok, so my husband and I love to hike - it's one of the things we love about living in Arizona. He ordered these new hiking shoes and made a big deal about "Saturday, I want to try out my new hiking shoes so let's go hiking." Seriously, he REALLY wanted to try out these new shoes. So he wakes me up early Saturday (hey, 10:00 am is early for me on a Saturday) to go check out a new trail that he had tried alone before but wanted to hike with me. We go on this hike and it was brutal. I was pooped out not even half way. I finally collapsed in the middle of the trail and said "Ok, I'm done. Seriously, I can't finish this trail." I was so exhausted. Crying. Sweating like a pig...I was done with this hike. Much to my amazement, he said...No. Now, "no" was not a word I was used to him saying to me which totally threw me off guard.  {I love the preceding sentence.  LOVE!}  But he said it, the word No. I threw some sort of a tantrum and cried a little more to try to make him change his mind. It did not work. We were near the saddle so I pressed on figuring that if I made it to the saddle we could call it a day. I would punish him with the silent treatment for the rest of the weekend. We reach the saddle. I collapse on the rocks, still crying mostly at this point out of frustration, not pain and I kid you not...less than 30 seconds later he said, "Honey, come here. Look at this thing that I found. Come here!" Now, I'm really angry. I mean, I just start to catch my breath and he wants me to get up AGAIN?! I just might push him down this mountain. So, I get up and there he is behind me down on one knee and I see this.

Let's just say, I felt like a schmuck, started crying again and of course the rest is history. I also made it to the top of the mountain after that. Funny how diamonds will give you that sudden burst of energy to finish a difficult hike...

Happy engagement face.

What's the best advice you have ever received?

Best advice I've ever received. This is an easy one. Since I was a young girl, my dad always told me "Never settle." I apply this to all aspect in my life; a job, a man, friendships, easy and difficult decisions...If you never settle, you'll never look back on something and think "Did I make the right choice?"  {Amen, sister!}

 You practice hot yoga.  What is it you like so much about that?  Actually, I practice Bikram Yoga. It's still hot yoga (106 degrees and 50% humidity) but it's a series patented by Bikram Choudhury.  {You can see that I was never a very good yoga student...I have no idea if I did Bikram or something else.  I just know it was freakin' hot!} There are two things I love about doing Bikram Yoga 1) the dialogue. All Bikram teachers say exactly the same 90 minute dialogue in class so you always know what you're going to get. It's part of why Bikram's yoga is patented. 2) the detoxifying effects of the yoga is my other favorite part. The heat and humidity pull all the yuck out of your body and brain. We live in such a stressful and toxic world. It's awesome to finish a class knowing that I've left all the yuck on my mat. I leave the studio feeling taller, stronger and lighter. Then I do it all again the next day. Plus, it's great for your skin.

What's the best trip you've ever been on? This one is easy, my honeymoon. I got to spend 10 beautiful days in Hawaii (half on Kauai and half on Oahu) with the man of my dreams. Now, my husband has to hear me talk about how much I want to live there, like a lot. I kinda won't shut up about it. Here's a pic of me surfing on Waikiki.

You did not meet your husband in your twenties.  Tell us why you are glad about that fact.

This is something I feel strongly about. For ME getting married at 33 was a blessing in disguise. Now, let me preface this by saying that I obviously love being married but I'm so glad I was older when I found The One. I had my entire 20s to sow my oats and do all those soul-filling alone things like go to the park alone (or with your cat in my case), eat at your favorite restaurant alone, and just do anything you want alone whenever you want alone. It's incredibly empowering. Getting married when I was 30 something verses 20 something allowed me to experience the best of both of those worlds. As much as I didn't believe I would be grateful for that when I was in my late 20s and all my friends were getting married and I was getting scared that I would die alone with my cat, {this is a common fear, apparently!} I can now thank God for not letting me find The One when I was 25. My late 20s were the craziest, most memorable times of my life both professionally and personally. I wouldn't have traded those years for anything, even Mr. Arizona, if now given the chance. If I hadn't had those years, I simply wouldn't have been ready for him. {If people never take one thing said on this blog to heart, I hope that girls will listen to this.  I swear this is something that I want to scream from the rooftops and preach, preach, preach go every girl from about age 15-30.  Mrs. Arizona should write a book!}

Tell us about your wedding.  My wedding was in Napa Valley. It was the first trip Mr. Arizona ever took me on when we were dating and we made it a frequent stop in the following few years. So, when we were thinking about where to tie the knot, it was an obvious choice. Our ceremony was at Gloria Ferrer in Sonoma and the reception was at Franciscan in St. Helena. We wanted something intimate and on the smaller side so we had under 40 people. We also really wanted our guests to enjoy themselves so we chose not to have a wedding party. That way, everyone could relax, drink wine and just be there with us in a casual way. {I have to admit that if I wanted a destination wedding, Napa would be high on my list of potential locations based on Joy's photos.  It's beautiful there!} 

What is the one thing you are most excited about having a baby (in the future...she's not pregnant....just to be clear)?  What is the one thing that you are most scared about it?

The thing I'm most excited about when I think about the possibility of having a baby is the choice to raise a positive, caring, patient and loving human being. Oh, and also seeing Mr. Arizona do the same thing. And holding his own baby. And changing diapers. And carpooling. And getting up in the middle of the night to soothe his own child.  I'm just going to sit by looking cute and supporting him. Kidding obviously. It's the partnership of raising a child that excites me the most. The thing I'm most scared about is failing. I think that's normal, though...right?  {This question came up because at College Roomie's bachelorette party Mrs. Arizona and I were asking all the moms to tell us the things that people never tell you before you are pregnant.  There were things that I will never be able to unhear.  Mrs. Arizona was clearly less traumatized.}

What is one (or more) item(s) on your bucket list?

Mr. Arizona and I created a bucket list when we were discussing spending the rest of our lives together. {Best wedding idea ever!}

Here's a few highlights:

-Climb the highest peak in Arizona with Mr. Arizona.

-Save a life. (Hey, aim high, right?)

-Paint a self portrait.

-Learn to waltz.

-Visit Normay (I'm Norwegian and Swedish).

-Own a handgun and take a CCW (concealed carry weapons) class.

-Sing Fancy by Reba McEntire in a karaoke bar (I tried this once and well...let's just say I never went back to that bar).  {I don't know why, because we were rockin' Fancy all day getting ready for College Roomie's wedding sister!}

What I'm Loving Wednesday

It's Wednesday.  I'm loving stuff.  You know the drill.

1.  I read this quote on The Single Woman's blog and loved it.  "If you really want to find the right one, let go of the jerks and the bad boys and start looking for men you would want to rock it with at Cracker Barrel when you are 80."  There's nothing like a good old people love story.  Or Cracker Barrel, for that matter.  I'm in.

2.  The professional pictures came in from BFF's wedding and I absolutely love this one of me and BFF eating pie during the reception.  I love that kid.

3.  Last weekend I went to take reasons at a FFA judging contest.  It was like a flashback to the good ol' days and I really enjoyed it. My favorite part was when someone referred to me as "one of Mr. Franklin's kids."  Best compliment that someone could give me.  I sure do miss him.

4.  This year was the first time that a kid took one of our lambs to Houston, and he made the sale.  We were pretty excited for him.

5.  The idea behind this blog that God wants us to fail at something.  My favorite part?  "Be more interested in my vision for you than in your dreams for yourself.  It may not look the way you think it should, and you might stumble and trip along this path.  You may fail in the eyes of men, but not in mine.  I will accomplish my purposes in you."

6.  This idea.  Made me want to build my own blanket fort.  I don't know if that would be on the "staged house" approved list from my realtor...

7.  Loud Oklahoma Girl and I are now on Week 6 of our half marathon training plan.....which means that come Saturday, we are halfway there!  On Monday night I got in a really good 6 mile run, which I needed after slacking a bit this weekend.

Us at the Tulsa Marathon doing the Marathon Relay - 2012

8.  I'm torn on whether I should be loving this or horribly offended, but yesterday I was in the elevator with a creepy guy who looked over at me and said, "Nice a**."  I said, "Excuse me??"  He just nodded and got out of the elevator.  Part of me was offended and wanted to punch him in the face.  The other part of me just wants to wear this skirt every day from now on.  Ha!

9.  The Word on Fire updates from Rome.  ND Friend works at Word on Fire and I'm seriously loving the updates that Father Barron is sending back from Rome regarding the Papal Conclave.  He keeps talking about Cardinal Dolan (who we all know I love) being a potential Pope......I hope he's not just giving me false hope!

10.  The fact that these showed up at my office yesterday.  On a random Tuesday.  For no reason. From a boy.  Other than Uncle Black Belt or BFF.  Yea.  I think that might be the first time that has ever happened.  And I like it.

WILW (Part II)

“Life isn't all grand, but it isn't all miserable either. There's both sweet and sour in every day. So why focus on the ugly when you can gaze at what's beautiful? Concentrate on the good.”  ~Richelle E. Goodrich

Like I said yesterday, I'm loving so many things this week that I had to split them into to posts.  If you missed Part I yesterday, click here.  Today, I'm linking up with Jamie and moving on to Part II of the things I'm loving this week!

NUMBER SEVEN:  My sweet friend Pharmer Girl started a new series on her blog called Behind the Scenes, and I was her first interview!  So if you want to see me imparting some of my wisdom (or lack thereof) go read her blog.  And follow her.  Because she's awesome.

NUMBER EIGHT:  This picture I saw on facebook.  I'm not a huge Ryan Gosling fan (don't stone me...I just prefer someone more like Ryan Reynolds) but I thought this was hilarious.  Where do I find that sweater??

NUMBER NINE:  This song by Paul McDonald and Nikki Reed.  Adorable.

NUMBER TEN:  This picture. I sent this to Blonde Oklahoma Girl last week and told her one of us has to get married soon just so we can take this photo!

NUMBER ELEVEN:  Brianne's amazing decision to make a big change in her life.  And the fact that she credited my blog with helping give her the confidence to make this decision.  I am so humbled!

NUMBER TWELVE:  This blog called You May or May Not Get Married So Now What?  The author had a plan--high school, college, marriage.  She didn't plan for the gap between the last two.  I understand that feeling!  She talks about how her life is different than her dream, but maybe it's better.  

My favorite quote from the blog:  When I was six, I didn’t walk around with a pretend laptop and pretend cell phone and act like I was on my way to a super important meeting.  I walked around in heels and held fake flowers.  It’s a funny thing when we try and live out our idea of a plan.  We quickly discover that living out God’s plan is more of a dream come true than any Disney movie could have premiered.  It’s just a dream we never imagined. 

NUMBER THIRTEEN:  More baby news!  Mr. and Mrs. Chocolate Brown welcomed Baby CB this weekend....and she is absolutely precious.  With these two knock outs as parents, how could she not be?  Aunt Tiff is dying to meet her!!

On Being Single...

"If you ain't got two kids by 21, you're probably gonna die alone, at least that's what tradition told you..." ~Kacey Musgraves, Merry Go Round

Listen, I try to have a good attitude about this "always a bridesmaid (or groomsma'am) never the bride" situation that I live in.  And I've got a dress full of poofy dresses to prove it.  I blog about how great it is to be able to sprawl out in the whole bed, go on vacation without having to run it by anyone, and how I enjoy there not being boys dirty socks strewn all over my floor.  And I mean all of that, I really do.

But.....  Yes, there is a "but" here.

It's hard being a single lady.  Particularly when you're getting *ahem* older, and everyone else in your life has traded in their single status for shiny engagement rings and baby car seats and wedding planners.  It's easy to feel like there is something wrong with you, some reason that you are not being chosen.  And lots of people, as good as their intentions may be, help to make this feeling even worse with comments like, "What are you waiting on?"  "Why are you being so picky?"  "If you want to have kids you better get to finding you a husband."  Trust me, I've heard them all.

That's why I absolutely loved this article about how society treats single women. If you ask me, it's spot on.  Here's my favorite quote:

"Marital status does not reflect the loveliness of one’s personality—or God’s special favor. The world is more complicated, marriages are more diverse, and God’s ways are more mysterious than that." 

Amen to that.  Just because someone is married does not make her prettier or funnier or kinder or smarter or nicer or better than a single girl.  And there is not something wrong with those of us who are still looking for Mr. Right.  We are not less, we are not worse,  we are not unchosen.  We are enough:  good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, just enough.  We are just on a different plan and timetable.  

Sometimes it's nice to just have that reminder.

Full

"Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”  ~ Marcus Aurelius

Recently, someone asked me, "So, how's life?"  I thought about it for a while, and the only word I could think to use was "full."  It's full of so many wonderful people and experiences and blessings that I certainly do not deserve. 

It's full of fun trips and bucket list checkmarks.  Full of dinners with friends and cards to put in the mail and phone calls every night.  It's full of hugs and family reunions and sitting in the stands at football games.  Full of being twirled on a dance floor and singing karaoke on a random Saturday night and happy memories of people who I've lost.  Full of Bible studies and birthday parties and babies calling me Aunt Tiff.  It's full of cute heels and prayers and my favorite Red Dirt Music.  Full of sheep shows and ski trips and St. Patrick's Day in Chicago. 

But mostly, it's full of love.  Because while I may not be married, I've experienced more love in my 28 years than a lot of people experience in a lifetime. 

My life is full. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

My Uncle's Personal Ad

"God couldn't be everywhere so he created uncles." ~Unknown

For those of you who know Uncle Black Belt, this will come as no surprise.  He's sort of crazy, but he's Uncle Black Belt so it's okay.  Trust me, as I advise my younger cousins, the best response to Uncle Black Belt is always a simple, "Yes sir."

Oh, and today's his birthday.  Everyone say, "Happy Birthday, Uncle Black Belt!"

Uncle Black Belt...please note he is holding his teeth
in his hand for the birthday photograph.

So last week, when Uncle Black Belt updated his facebook status, to essentially post a personal ad for me, there was very little that I could do.  So, I just said, "Yes sir."  Oh, you want to see his status?  (I feel sorry for you guys who are not his facebook friend, becuase it's a riot every day!)  Check it:

Ok guys here is what we need for Tiff. A man with a love of country living. Wears a hat and wranglers. Isn't afraid of hard work. Loves children. A man with the business sense of Dallas, the common sense of Uncle David, the quest for fun like Uncle Buddy and the tender compassionate style of Uncle Larry. Sprinkle in a bit of Kevin and we've found the right man.

And while it made me shak emy head, and feel a little like everyone must think I'm turning into a spinster or something, it also made me realize how lucky I am to have such great men in my life.  My dad, uncles who you've heard about here and here, Cousin Kevin, Cousin Swiss Mister, Little Brother, and the guy friends who I've blogged about before.  I don't think that I could have better guys to take care of me and to set examples for how I should be treated.  Even if I am becoming an old spinster, I've got it pretty dang good. 

And Uncle Black Belt has made it clear, Mr. Right is going to have some pretty big boots to fill.

Stop. Wait. Live.

"If you know you have to wait anyway, why not make a decision to enjoy your life while you’re waiting? Why not be happy while God is in the process of changing things? After all, there’s nothing we can really do to make it happen any faster. We might as well relax and enjoy our lives, knowing that at the appointed time God is going to bring his plan to pass.” ~Joel Osteen

When you're a single lady, especially as you edge closer to the big 3-0, everyone is full of advice for you.  And I've heard it all (and blogged about some of my favorite comments) while I've been waiting for Mr. Right.

You should.....

try online dating,

get out more,

meet my cousin ____ (who has no job and lives with his parents, but is single, so you guys have something in common),

meet guys at church,

meet guys in a bar,

don't waste time in a bar,

move,

learn to cook,

highlight your hair,

talk to him about sports,

but don't act like you know too much about sports (remember how Kirk Herbstreit is ruining my love life?),

don't be too independent,

don't be too clingy,

be more outgoing,

don't be too overwhelming,

stop being so picky....

It's exhausting.  And I'm not sure that it's all that helpful.  Like the whole "stop, drop and roll" method we learned as kids in case we caught on fire, I think maybe we single ladies may just need a three-step program of our own:  "stop, wait and live."

Stop.  When you're a "doer" and a person constantly on the go like me, sometimes it's hard to just....stop.  Stop worrying about what other people think.  Appreciate that their advice comes from a place of wanting you to be happy, but know that you do not have to follow it.  Stop worrying about whether you are good enough.  Even though it feels like it, the fact that you single is not a testiment to your worth as a person.  Stop worrying about what you will do if you never find someone.  The odds are, you are going to find someone and all of that time will be wasted, but even if you do not find Mr. Right, your life is going to turn out just fine.  Stop trying to fit into a box or a mold or an idea that you have about the kind of person you need to be to get a guy.  Focus on trying to be the kind of person you need to be, period.

Wait.  I'm not a patient person.  But I'm a firm believer that God uses times of waiting to teach us important lessons and to use us for purposes far bigger than we even imagine.  While we wait, we figure out who we are and what we want.  We learn what  plans God has for us, and why guys in the past would not have fit into those plans.  We learn to trust on Him, and to do things ourselves.  We learn not to settle, because once we've waited this long, what's a little more time to find the right guy.  We learn that love worth waiting for really does exist, and that we shouldn't give up before we find it.  Yes, waiting can be painful and annoying, but I also really believe that it can be wonderful.  And there are gifts that you find in waiting that cannot be found elsewhere.

Live.  I have a rule that I've mentioned before.  I never say the phrase, "When I'm married, I'll ________."  If I say or think that, I do it now.  That's how I started out sending Christmas cards and having a Christmas tree.  I refuse to wait on taking that big trip with my husband, and instead, I take that big trip with my family, my friends, and with a mix of the two.  I've survived (and thoroughly enjoyed) dateless weddings.  I've played third wheel as many times as you can count, and I like going to the movies by myself.  I spend my money on what I want, be it shoes or football tickets or flights to Chicago to see the river dyed green on St. Patrick's Day.  I'm not going to miss out on these kind of experiences just because Mr. Right hasn't shown up at my door to ask me to do them.

So...forget the exhaustive list of things you should be doing.  Forget the pressure that people put you under.  Forget the idea that you're on some sort of timeline.  Your story is different than everyone else's, so it's not surprising that the timing is different too.  Trust that this is all part of a bigger plan, and however the story ends, be it riding off into the sunset with Mr. Right or driving off in a car you bought yourself, your life is still pretty darn good.

via

Stop.  Wait.  Live.

It's Okay Thursday and Friday Confessions

“All good things are wild and free.” ~Henry David Thoreau



I haven't done this in a while, so I thought I'd link up with "It's Okay Thursday" and Friday Confessions!

It's Okay That/I Confess That....

....last weekend I got onto iTunes in order to download Wild Ones by Flo Rida and Thank God I'm a Country Boy by John Denver.  Pretty sure that iTunes Genius playlist has no idea what to do with me and my musical tastes.

....on Sunday I went to Sunflower Market and bought healthy food for the week, including roasted red pepper hummus, raw spinach, grapes, carrot sticks and squash.  I followed that up by getting a brick oven pizza for lunch.  You win some, you lose some.

.....that everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. EVERYONE. In the last week, two people I know (including Cousin Whitney!!) have gotten engaged. In the last couple of months, 7 friends have announced they are pregnant. I'm not just falling behind, I'm being lapped.

.....I laughed for like an hour at this article about conversations between dating Christian girls and guys.  My two favorites:

Girls’ Statement:He’s always using the “Water into Wine” argument to defend his excessive drinking habits.
Guys’ Response:
For. The. Last. Time… JESUS DRANK!!!


Girls’ Statement:He seemed interested after our second date, but then I never heard from him again.
Guys’ Response:
You gave me a pre-highlighted copy of The Five Love Languages, asked me to meet your parents and, if we had a girl, what I thought about the name Sophia with a P-H instead of an F.

......instead of going to the gym to watch the Olympic Trials on Saturday night while running on the treadmill (as I had been doing most of the week), I watched them in my pjs.  On my couch.  Eating a baked potato.  With cheese and bacon.  And sort of felt like I worked out after watching the people on tv.  I made up for it by only allowing myself to watch the trials on Sunday if I went to the treadmill.  Once again, I say, you win some, you lose some.

.....not to like raw kale, because it tastes like alfalfa. How, you ask, does she know what alfalfa tastes like?  Chalk it up to being a farm kid.  I've said before that it warped my food choices.

.....that I didn't get to spend my Fourth of July at the pool or at a BBQ.  Instead, I got to grant a wish for a great Make-a-Wish kiddo!  His wish was a shopping spree, so we shopped until we dropped, cruised town in a limo, and stuffed our faces at Texas Roadhouse.  I absolutely love volunteering for Make-a-Wish.  I seriously feel like I should have to pay them for letting me have as much fun as I do!

.....that I'm probably going to be worthless at the office today because I'll be too busy counting down the minutes until the Jason Bowlin concert tonight!  LOVE me some Red Dirt music and dancing!

Friday Book Club: June Books

Well the fun continues and I've now officially made it halfway through the year and my goal of two books a month is still alive!  Woo hoo!!  Today I'm sharing my June Books with Friday Book Club.  (If you missed any of my prior reviews, just click here!)

The Glass Castle

Remember my love for the book Half Broke Horses?  Well the author also wrote this book called The Glass Castle, so when College Roomie recommended it and I saw it at the airport in Costa Rica (before the almost hijacking of my plane), I knew I had to buy it.  I had finished that baby within 12 hours, and I am by no means a fast reader. 

I just could not put it down.  The author writes completely candidly about her shockingly horrible childhood.  Hunger and poverty, abuse and lonliness, parents who stole from their children and squashed dreams all the while telling the kids how lucky they were.  Examples of the unconditional love a child has for a parent, and where even that love reaches a limit.  It was unreal to read, and even more unreal to know that it was true and that the author and her siblings got out and made great lives for themselves.

I do not have favorite quotes from the book, but I'm telling you, this is a must-read if you ask me.  This woman has a gift for writing and I promise you any other book that she pens will be on my shelf.

How To Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul

In general, I liked this book.  It's probably more geared towards high school/college girls, but there were certainly some great parts that were quite applicable to my life situation.  I loved the part talking about the 10 types of "Mr. Wrongs" and looking through the list only to realize that I've had crushes on 7 of the 10 types.  The 10 types are:  (1) the flip-flopper--the guy who can't make up his mind about what he wants while the girl follows him around like a puppy dog; (2) the fixer-upper--the problem child, the bad boy; (3) the walking hormone--self explanatory; (4) the smooth criminal--like the walking hormone, but smarter and ergo more dangerous, guy with all the rihgt lines; (5) the control freak--has to know where you are and what you are doing 24/7; (6) the older guy--also self explanatory; (7) the potty mouth--it's really not attractive, guys; (8) the tearful cheater--dude is a jerk but somehow talks his way back in; (9) the spiritual midget--guys who are just not interested in faith, either their own or yours; and (10) Mr.-I-Don't-Have-Enough-Social-Skills-To-Meet-Girls-Without-The-Internet--I'm not knocking online dating, it works for some people, but there are some real losers out there as well.  And just for the record, sometimes I am good enough to like a guy who fits in the several of these categories at once.  And that, ladies, takes talent.

Maybe more than the content of the book, I like the idea behind it.  In finding the person who we are meant to be with, I think that it is critically important to not lose ourselves in the process.  We have to know--and stick to--our standards, who we are, what we are looking for, what purpose (and person) God calls us to. 

A few of my favorite quotes:

"There can only be one God.  Either we call the shots or we trust what He's revealed to us."

"So much depends on having the courage to let go of what was never meant to be."

"What the world needs is for women to climb out of their shells of fear and become who God created them to be."

"Let there be no doubt that God honors those who honor Him, and that He always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him."

"Sometimes, God's greatest blessings are when He takes away something that we desparately want."

"The Lord gives us a time of singleness to serve Him and many of us either fill it up with passing relationships or spend it miserable because a future relationship hasn't unfolded according to our plans."

"You'll notice that what saved her from throwing her life away was the fact that she dreamed of something bigger and better for herself."

"At some point in your life you have to decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."

"Give yourself permission to hope."

"One's soulmate is only visible to the person who is living in the will of God.  Otherwise you could live next door to him your whole life and never know it, unless you were living as God was calling you to live."

"When we don't trust God, we often take matters into our own hands.  It's then that we become our own worst enemies."

"The real reason why people don't stop to listen to God is not because they don't think He'll speak to them.  They're afraid He will."