What Should I Say To My Single Friends (Part 1)

After the wildly popular Advice to the Single Ladies series earlier this summer, one of my friend made a blog request.  She is married with an adorable little boy, but needed some advice.  "What should I say to encourage my single friends?"  She worried that sometimes her words--although intended as encouragement, were not taken that way from her single girlfriends. 

What a great question! 

First, let me say that I think every girl needs friends who ask questions like these.  Here she is, busy with a baby and a husband and a job and life, but she cares enough about her friends to want to be sure she is offering encouraging words to them.  Hands down the best thing any girl can do--single or not--is find women who encourage, inspire, support, and push you.  Just being a caring friend is encouragement, period, regardless of the words that come out of your mouth.

Me and my girls.

Second, I don't think there is any magic words that will encourage someone about their singleness.  I think at different times, a single girl needs to hear different things.  There were periods of my 20's where I was perfectly content single---jet setting around Europe, going to football games anywhere I wanted, buying shoes anytime my heart desired.  There were also periods where I desperately wanted Mr. Right to show up--when I was playing third wheel, when I sat dateless at weddings, the holidays.  Depending on the season I was in, different words of encouragement would have been helpful at different times.

Finally, I put together what I think is a pretty fool-proof list of four statements that I think are always good.

*  She is great, beautiful, special, fun, smart, and going to make a great wife one day.  I was probably in my mid-twenties and I distinctly remember one of my guy friends commenting that I would be a great wife one day.  I remember it because no one had ever said it to me before, and hearing those words come out of someone's mouth made them seem real to me.  It's easy for a single girl to doubt her worth, to wonder what is wrong with her that no one wants to put a ring on her finger, to feel like she must just not be enough.  In light of that, offering encouragement to counteract those thoughts is always a great idea.

*  Her life is awesome just the way it is now.  The odds are, your single friends are being bombarded with comments that make them feel like they are just waiting for their life to really begin when they walk down the aisle.  I think it's always good to remind them of how great their life is now---point out the good things, encourage them to chase after their dreams, help them come up with fun new ideas.  It's not that you should make it a competition about whether being single or married is better, but I really did appreciate it when people would point out how great my life was right that minute because I often needed the reminder.

*  You will be praying for her.  I always so appreciate knowing that people are praying for me.  I've had friends of all denominations offer to intercede on my behalf during my single years and you better believe I accepted and appreciated every prayer.

*  Would you like to get some ice cream?  Let's be real. This statement is ALWAYS appropriate.  Bottom line, sometimes, there is nothing you can say to make it better.  Ben and Jerry's, though?  Those guys have it handled.

Stay tuned tomorrow to hear thoughts from several of my amazing single friends!