Me at 32

Another birthday has rolled around.  As I have done for the past 4 years, today I will reflect on the person I see in the mirror at 32.  (If you missed prior reflections, click to read 28, 29, 30, 31.)

At 32...

I'm now called a Momma. Not only is this the biggest change of the year, but the biggest of my life.  I had no idea what it would mean to have this title....what was required, how it would feel, how dang cute this little guy would be, how damn hard and great it is at the same time, this vocation of mine.  It has been unbelievably difficult, but has certainly changed my life for the better.

I've come to appreciate my job even more.  A year ago, I was able to keep my job and transfer to our office in the Panhandle.  This allowed me to have both the dream husband and dream job.  Talk about appreciating a job!  But after being on maternity leave for 2 months, I appreciate it even more. I truly enjoy the work I do and I have missed it while I've been gone.  I am looking forward to the mental challenge, writing, working with people, and chance to make a difference. I know that not everyone is blessed with jobs  they love, so I certainly appreciate this one of mine.

I have been reminded yet again that His timing and His plan far surpasses my own.  You'd think by now, I'd know this, but I'm always surprised when things work out for us.  We decided to just be open to a baby whenever the timing was right, thinking that the timing would be right to get pregnant about now.  His plan, of course, had us pregnant a month after our wedding and a baby already here by now.  Never would I have made that plan for myself, but I'm sure glad He did.  Similarly, our house.  After trying for months to buy a house in town, we were driving around after some very frustrating news on that front when we happened  to drive by a little white house with 8 acres and a for sale sign.  We never would have found this on our own and would be stuck in a brick house in town that The Boy from Texas would have hated.  His plan is always better.

I've become more sympathetic and supportive to others decisions.  I have learned that truly, most of us are just doing the best we can.  We make different choices, take different paths, do different things, but in the end, we're all in this mess called life together.  Why not be kind to one another?  Whether someone marries at 20 or waits until 30 or never walks down the aisle, we're all still people.  And whether a mom breastfeeds or bottle feeds, uses cry it out or pacifiers or baby massage, she's trying her best and that should be enough.

I'm learning to appreciate the little things.  A run in the autumn  air.  A smile from BB.  A note from a friend.  The Boy from Texas kissing my forehead.  An orange and pink sunset. Experiencing a thin place.  Clean sheets. A profound sentence at the right time.  Life is good, big things and small.

I feel settled.  For the first time in my adult life, I feel settled.  I don't wonder what the next step will be or what change I want to make or whether I will meet the right person for me.  Knowing that we are together in a place and season that makes us happy has been a great feeling.