Lady On The Bench

"If you're not picky, you're divorced." ~Cousin Swiss Mister

One of my dear friends (who you've met previously on this little ol' blog) sent me an email last week that cracked me up. It had this picture in it:

Funny, ha ha, right? She proceeded to tell me that this picture reminded her of me, not ONLY because I am waiting on the perfect man, but also because of the outfit. Remember my steeplechase attire? Let me split screen this for you:

Oh. My. Gosh. Is it a sign from the universe?? I'm going with no. Here's why. I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect like the lady (who is quite well dressed, I must admit) on the bench in the pictue. I'm just looking for Mr. Right. There's a difference.

See, contrary to popular belief, I am not THAT picky. But, a girl has to have standards. I have organized mine into two groups. Non-negotiable and Potentially negotiable qualities for Mr. Right to possess.

Non-Negotiables

Let me give you some examples from real life experiences.

1. He must be single. (Meaning NOT in a relationship with another girl.) Sad that this has to be said.




2. He must be interested in girls. (Yep...had a friend trying to play matchmaker and a week before we got something set up, the dude he was setting me up with came out of the closet. No lie.)




3. He can't be a crazy-pants control freak stalker. (Didn't get all the way into this issue, but saw the potential and decided that was a bad plan.




4. He can't only be interested in me until something better comes along. (Enough said.)

That's right, ladies. I've seen it all. And I don't think anyone will deem these requirements as being "too picky."

Potentially Negotiables

It's possible that these are where the "she's too picky" idea comes in to play.... These, unlike the ones listed above, are negotiable. To a point.

1. He has to be able to bench press my weight. (I mean, I don't want to marry a wuss and this is necessary to protect my own self esteem. Nomad and McCain assure me this should not be a problem for a guy.)




2. He has to be able to beat me a basketball game of 1 on 1. (I'm trying to find a husband to help me raise freaking college athletes here, okay?)




3. He must be able to ride a horse and to have seen a cow in real life. (My own father says I may need to let this one go. Those of you who know my own father, please tell me, how would he react to some city slicker that I brought home? I thought you'd understand.)
   



4. He must enjoy college football. (Let's be real-I'm not getting off my couch on Saturdays during the fall, so dude better just be ready to deal with that.)




5. He can't wear flip flops. (I hate feet. Especially boy feet. I don't want to see them. This is one that I really am working on trying to compromise on...like maybe at the lake.....but even then, what's wrong with a pair of water shoes? Deep breath, Tiffany.)




6. He can deal with puking. (Let's be honest...I'm going to get car sick on this guy. Probably more than once. Might as well plan ahead.)

Anyway....I just want to be clear that I am not looking for Mr. Perfect. Just Mr. Right. There are qualifications that we can negotiate on. Please, oh please, let that be enough to keep me from being the lady on the bench!