Smart Girls

“The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap!” ~Ashton Kutcher

I'm going to admit it now.  There have been times that I've downplayed my intelligence because I did not want people to know that I was smart.  Even as a little kid, I would often not raise my hand in class even when I knew the answer.  There were times in college or in law school when my response to "how are you doing in school" was something along the lines of "well they haven't kicked me out yet" rather than "I'm making good grades."  When I worked in private practice I often responded to the question of "What do you do?" with "I work at a law firm" rather than "I'm a lawyer."

And I'm not alone.  My friend who got into Harvard talks about how she "almost went to school on the East coast."  My mom sometimes intentionally mispronounces words (although she may just do that to annoy me and my brother, I'm not completely clear on her motives).  A girl I went to law school with used to whisper answers in the back of the room and be right all the time but not say them out loud.  An attorney I know constantly downplays her knowledge and abilities to others.

Why do we do this?  Why do women feel the need to act dumb or blend in or be embarrassed about their accomplishments? 

I'm sure there are a lot of reasons.  But I think one of them is the  idea that boys don't like girls that are too smart.  I mean, you don't want to be dumb, but you also can't be too smart.  You'll never find someone if you are too successful or too intimidating.  Way to put this in our heads, society.

An article I read last week confirmed that there are some guys who feel this way--in fact, a recent study shows that men who were told their wives did better on an intelligence test had lower self esteem than those who were told that their wives did poorly.  What the heck??  Well luckily, another guy thought this was stupid as well and wrote a great article outlining the 5 benefits of having a smart and successful wife.  You can read the whole article here.

We are made to be smart and successful.  And when we downplay that, even for something that seems insignificant, we're not doing ourselves--or the world--any favors.  And if you ask me, any guy who is too dumb to figure that out probably isn't worth our time anyway.  Because the good guys?  They like smart girls, they'll support smart girls, and they'll celebrate smart girls successes.

I'm going to leave you with a little story I love. My dad and I were talking recently and the issue of a woman making more money than the man came up.  He says that back in the early 1960's, my Gran was making more money than my grandpa.   My dad remembers her asking him if that bothered him.  His response?  "Hell no, I just wish you made even more!"  That's a guy who had it figured out!

My grandparents wedding photo