Regrets

“Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so its power seldom influences events when it could do some good.” ~William O'Rourke

I read a great article written by a former hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware. She wrote about how every person with whom she worked found a sense of peace before they died. She also realized that when asked about regrets that they had, or what they would have done differently, common themes kept recurring. She developed a list of the 5 most common regrets of the dying.


I thought I would share:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

When I read the article, I was struck by how many of these involve people wishing that they had done the things that they wanted to do. I've written about it once or twice or three times before on the blog--but we have to figure out what we want out of our lives and go get it! When we don't--when we try and do what other people expect or what we feel like we should want--that's when we get into trouble. That's when we end up with regrets.

I'm not saying that doing these five things will be easy. (Nor am I saying I think that a person can live life with absolutely no regrets--I've written about that before too). It's hard to try and work less--especially when you are young and that's expected of you. It's hard to try and express your feelings when that is not your personality, or you are scared. Even staying in touch with friends can be a hard task sometimes when you feel like you are the one who does all the work. They may not be easy, but I think they are important.

When a person realizes these things on their deathbed, there is usually very little that they can do to remedy the regrets. Being healthy and able to walk and run and talk and GO is something that I think a lot of us can take for granted. But if we think about these regrets now, when we still have the power to change them, maybe when we are on our death beds, we won't have to worry about these missed opportunities. We should learn from those who have gone before us. We only get one shot at this life thing--it's up to us to make the best of it while we still have the chance.