Bapa

“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”  ~Unknown

 Last week, I attended part of a funeral service for an amazing man.  And I was reminded that although we have our differences, more things are the same.

I liked Bapa from the first day I met him.  And he spit soup in my face. He was the 96 year old grandfather of my law school bff, Brett-Brett. 

Me and the twins at the Fiesta Bowl

Four years ago, Brett-Brett and I had been studying all day for the ethics part of the bar exam, when his dad called and said to meet him and Bapa for dinner at a Chinese restaurant.  So we showed up for dinner and I was seated across the table from Bapa.  We talked about how he grew up in a small town and used to make saddles and riggings for cowboys.  Then the waitress brought his egg drop soup.  Bapa put a spoonful in his mouth, choked, and sprayed soup across the table...literally covering me.  It was all over my face, on my glasses, on the old hoodie I was wearing.  While Brett-Brett and his dad were about to die from laughter, Bapa just kept apologizing and offering to get my shirt dry cleaned.  We bonded that day, Bapa and I.

Bapa passed away last Monday.  His funeral was held at the Jewish Temple where he attended services, and afterwards they had Shiva at Brett-Brett's parents' house.  I'm unfortunately pretty well versed in funerals--I'd venture to bet you that I've been to more funerals in my 28 years than most people attend in their lifetime.  But this was my first Jewish funeral.  So I did what any polite, well-mannered Christian girl would do.  I consulted Google to be sure I didn't do or say something inappropriate!

During the short service at the house, the Cantor explained that this time of prayer and of mourning was observed in the Jewish religion at home with the family, instead of at the public funeral. Prayer books (which I learned were upside down and backwards...turns out that's normal) were passed out and for about 10 minutes, prayers were recited. And then the people in attendance were invited to tell their favorite stories and memories of Bapa.  The Twenty-Third Psalm was read, which caused me to whisper to Brett-Brett, "Don't worry, I know this one!"  Apparently although the jist is the same, the wording is slightly different and I had to retract my proud statement.

At the house, everyone milled around talking, telling stories about Bapa and stuffing their faces with Mexican food.  As I looked around, I could not help but think back to New Year's Eve when my family did the exact same thing at a hunting lodge following Uncle David's funeral and in 2009 when we all ate dinner after saying goodbye to Mr. Franklin.  Love is love and family is family whether a funeral occurs in a Temple or a Cathedral or a high school gym.  Even though our beliefs may be different, the grief and the support given to each other was not.

Bapa's prayer service ended with the following prayer:

At the rising of the sun and at its going down We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter We remember them.

At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring We remember them.

At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer We remember them.

At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn We remember them.

At the beginning of the year and when it ends We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength We remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart We remember them.

When we have joy we crave to share We remember them.

When we have decisions that are difficult to make We remember them.

When we have achievements that are based on theirs We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.

They did not end this with an Amen on Wednesday night, but I will today.  For Bapa, for Uncle David, for Mr. Franklin and for everyone else who we have loved and lost.  May we remember them always.