As a single lady, I worry periodically about how I'll recognize Mr. Right and differentiate between him and all of the Mr. Wrongs that seem to come in and out of my life! Well, being a farm girl, I feel like farming and ranching analogize are helpful in pretty much every area in life. When I found one for knowing if your relationship will last, I knew right away I had to share! (And knowing the knock down drag out screaming fights my family gets into doing this very task, I firmly beleive this is true!) I read this great article by Gary Hodgson about finding true love---cowboy style.
I recently stumbled onto what probably is the most important discovery of our century. It's nothing insignificant like the fountain of youth, a cure for the common cold or intelligent life on Mars (or in Washington DC). Nope, I've really discovered something. I've discovered the secret to a long, happy marriage. If couples contemplating marriage will follow my directions, they will know immediately if they are marrying the right person. My secret?
A SQUEEZE CHUTE!
Yep, those hinged, noisy, finger-pinching, knuckle-rappin', labor saving devices mark the hidden path to marital bliss. Forget showers for the prospective bride that only give her the impression that her towels will always match and her life will always have a place for a cappuccino machine. Discontinue bachelor parties where the groom gets the idea he'll still be able to get together with his buddies once in a while to have a wild "boys night out" without suffering dire consequences.
Instead of these time-honored and totally misleading traditions, here's my plan. Weeks before the wedding, before the invitations have been printed and the church reserved, assemble the bride, groom, and about 70 uncooperative crossbred cows and one of the industry's best squeeze chutes.
The goal: With no outside help, let the two lovebirds process the cattle through the chute. Once this has been done, if they're still speaking to each other, this marriage will last.
In short, all the problems a couple can encounter in life will be addressed right then and there.
First, there's the question of authority. Who will be in charge? The boss, you see, gets to run the chute. The submissive partner brings the cattle up the alley to the chute.
Once that issue has been addressed, there's the question of forgiveness. There'll be one old cow that does not want to go up the alley to the chute. She fights, bellers, and flings all kinds of bodily fluids over the one trying to coax her up the alleyway. Finally, after risking life and limb, the cow charges up the alley and right out of the chute. The "boss" on the head gate will likely miss her. How's the old forgiveness test going?
Also there are lessons concerning compatibility to be learned. An aggressive "type A" personality on the chute won't be satisfied with the performance of a laid back "type B" bringing the cattle up. Hollering "more cattle" about 11 times usually brings a premature halt to the test proceedings.
I know this system works. Not that long a go, I helped my oldest daughter and her husband work cattle at their feedlot. I was impressed at how well they worked together all day long. (He runs the chute; she always has one ready to enter). Those two will make it way past Valentine's Day.
My first wife and I worked cattle together. That's probably why I must distinguish between first and second when speaking of wives. My present partner in life and love helped me put 400 yearling heifers through a chute on one of our dates. Any gal who could stand that is okay by my book. I ran the chute, but she told me how. That's pretty much still our system and it's a good one.
So, the next time you see a couple looking all gooey-eyed at each other, don't buy them a toaster; get 'em a "Powder River" squeeze chute instead!
(photos courtesy citizendia.com)
Those of you who didn't grow up showing probably won't understand this, but showing at the county fair is something that just sort of gets in your blood. Back in the glory days, there were so many kids showing that we'd pack the bleachers every Tuesday afternoon to listen to Weezer tell us to feed our hogs before the Ladies Lead, not to feed in the barn, and to be sure we had our pens cleaned out by 9:00. It was amazing to look around and see how many showers there were just in our own county.
Now, you have to understand four things about me to realize why this is so funny.
1. Growing up, I was the definition of a tomboy. I hated dresses and heels and bows and anything else frilly. I would say that at LEAST 90% of junior high and high school was spent wearing jeans, t-shirts and tennis shoes. The thought that anyone would comment on MY fashion sense is hilarious.
2. I'm cheap. It's true. I can promise you that I have NEVER spent more than $50 on a pair of heels.....or any other shoes with the exception of tennis shoes or cowboy boots. I'll never own a pair of Jimmy Choo's (not becuase I don't think they are awesome) but the bottom line is I would never pay that much money. Instead, I frequent Kohls and Payless and love the fact that people enjoy my cheap-o shoes!
3. I have huge feet. It's amazing really. I was meant to be tall---my feet are a great indication of this. But sadly, something went terribly went wrong and I'm 5'3. With feet that are a double digit size. And this can REALLY make shoe shopping an un-fun experience. In stores organized by sizes, I can never shop with my friens--they are over in the size 7 section--and I'm over on the end of the building with all the tall girls! The worst part is the lack of options for shoes. I rarely go into a shoe store and look first at the shoes---I start by looking at the boxes and see which ones are my size. I don't want to waste time or fall in love with a pair that won't fit.
4. I hate shopping. I know, I know.....I'm not a good female for this. But I do. I don't mind going into a store and buying what I want to buy, but I HATE spending hours looking around and browsing around. My mom could do this all day.....I can't last an hour without getting grouchy. So the fact that I have managed to accumulate a cute shoe connection is pretty darn impressive.
I engaged in the napping, but also took a little road trip. When I was about 9, one of my neighbors married a girl who grew up in Tatum. Their wedding reception was at this huge, fancy house just outside of town--and I remembered that the owner of the house had the biggest ring I had ever seen in my whole life. 
So there's a little flashback on some great ag college moments. You ag college boys that might be reading might want to keep these in your back pocket and try them out. 
The room was full of their friends----I've never been to a wedding with more young people in attendance. I would say that 2/3 of the guests were between 25 and 35. It was amazing to see the friendships that Mr. and Mrs. Supreme Court have been able to build....and sustain! These people flew across the country (and some from across the world) to be there for this day. I wondered what they had done to get so many great friends who were so committed to their friendships that they would make an effort to be at this wedding.
The other guests at the wedding all talked about how both Mr. and Mrs. Supreme Court had really invested in their friendships. To do this, Mr. and Mrs. Supreme Court made it a point to stay in touch, to send quick notes and cards, to pick up the phone and call, to always be there with encouraging words. Mr. and Mrs. Supreme Court know how to be great friends.
But it's hard sometimes to keep these friendships going. Everyone is busy with work or families or traveling or just life in general. People's lives take different paths and it's really easy to lose touch with your friends from different chapters. All of a sudden, you may not have as much in common with them as you used to. You may not see them as much (or at all) anymore.
I know for me, my friendships are one of my biggest sources of joy in my life. These people love me unconditionally. If there is one thing that I know I will continue investing in, this is it. The return is absoutey priceless. 