Another Wedding, Another Speech

Yes, ANOTHER wedding.  I know you guys must think I am going to run out of friends to get married one day, but that day hasn't happened yet!  As you recall, I gave a MOH speech at College Roomie's wedding earlier this summer (which you can watch a video of here).  So my speech at Cousin Whitney's wedding was speech number two for the year.   And for the girl who had sadly given more eulogies than wedding speeches, it was a welcome change in my book!  So, here were my words of wisdom for the happy couple.

When I was 9 months old, I got a red-headed cousin.  In the last 28 years, that cousin has turned into my travel partner and one of my closest friends. 

Whether it was eating at Tavern on the Green in New York City, biking across the Golden Gate Bridge, riding a train through the Swiss Alps, snorkeling on a cruise in Mexico, or wondering home at 1 in the morning in Rome, Whitney and I always have a blast when we're together.

 All these trips have taught me a few things about Miss Whitney.  I thought I would share a couple pieces of advice with Nathan tonight.

First, do not ever make her trip and fall down.  There may have been an incident on a ski trip where Denton cut her off, causing her to fall down, which then proceeded into her screaming a choice cuss word, which I cannot repeat in church, and trying to stab him with her poles.  Keep her on her feet and you'll be okay.

Second, when you tell Whitney to do something, she'll do it, so be careful.  When our dads were teaching us to water ski, they made a big deal about how you don't let go of the rope.  Which was good advice.  Until Whitney fell.  And kept on holding on to that rope.  And almost drowned in Ute Lake.  When you give her instructions, be sure you mean them.

Third, she does not deal well with motion sickness.  Fortunately for Nathan, I have broken her into this.  She has dealt with me throwing up in multiple states and two continents.  My best advice for you is to always carry an airplane barf bag with you in the car.  I took care of getting a couple ofr Nathan to take on the honeymoon to help you avoid any issues.  *Here I walked over and handed him three barf bags.  Classy.*

Fourth,  listen to what she tells you.  She doesn't talk much, but when she does, she means it.  I learned this when about halfway up the steps to get to the top of St. Peter's Bascilica in Rome she said that she was hot and needed something to drink.  I agreed it was hot and I was thirsty and kept on climbing.  Once we got to the top, Whitney blacked out on me and was white as a ghost.  I thought I was going to have to carry her down.  Oh, on a related note, cold water and lasagna seem to be the cure if she ever does get faint on you.

Fifth,  Whitney does not like getting her nice shoes dirty.  When we were kids, Whitney hardly talked at all.  I had never heard her yell at anyone in my life.  One Friday they came up to the house and we were working cattle.  Someone left a gate open and my Dad yelled at her to close the gate.  She did not answer him and he yelled at her again.  Then little, meek, mild mannered Whitney stood up on the gate, and screamed, at the top of her lungs, "I'm wearing my school shoes!!"  We all looked around with our mouths wide open.  My dad looked sort of shocked, said, "Well, okay then" and we just let the cows go right on out the gate.  So be careful where you try to get her to step!

Despite my advice, I'm not too worried about Nathan.  I think he will be able to hold his own.  I knew he was a tough guy when he Family Ski Trip--both the summer and winter version--in the same year.  For those of you who have not been on the ski trip, that's really saying something!

So in closing, Whitney, I'm so glad that God made us cousins.  I'm even more glad that you have become one of my best friends.  And Nathan, if Whitney is half as good of a wife to you as she's been a cousin to me, you're a very lucky guy.  To Nathan and Whitney.