Regrets

“Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so its power seldom influences events when it could do some good.” ~William O'Rourke

I read a great article written by a former hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware. She wrote about how every person with whom she worked found a sense of peace before they died. She also realized that when asked about regrets that they had, or what they would have done differently, common themes kept recurring. She developed a list of the 5 most common regrets of the dying.


I thought I would share:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

When I read the article, I was struck by how many of these involve people wishing that they had done the things that they wanted to do. I've written about it once or twice or three times before on the blog--but we have to figure out what we want out of our lives and go get it! When we don't--when we try and do what other people expect or what we feel like we should want--that's when we get into trouble. That's when we end up with regrets.

I'm not saying that doing these five things will be easy. (Nor am I saying I think that a person can live life with absolutely no regrets--I've written about that before too). It's hard to try and work less--especially when you are young and that's expected of you. It's hard to try and express your feelings when that is not your personality, or you are scared. Even staying in touch with friends can be a hard task sometimes when you feel like you are the one who does all the work. They may not be easy, but I think they are important.

When a person realizes these things on their deathbed, there is usually very little that they can do to remedy the regrets. Being healthy and able to walk and run and talk and GO is something that I think a lot of us can take for granted. But if we think about these regrets now, when we still have the power to change them, maybe when we are on our death beds, we won't have to worry about these missed opportunities. We should learn from those who have gone before us. We only get one shot at this life thing--it's up to us to make the best of it while we still have the chance.

Shut Up Joe!

"You're 5 foot nothin', 100 and nothin', and you have nearly a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in there with the best college football team in the land for 2 years. And you're getting a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don't have to prove nothin' to nobody but yourself." ~ My favorite line from the movie, Rudy

One of my favorite movies of all-time is Rudy. I think a lot of people would say the same thing. In fact, I'm taking a bucket list trip this fall to check off a dream I've had since I was five years old and first saw that movie. At the same time, I've always liked Joe Montana. He played at Notre Dame (which automatically means I like him based on that alone!). He was a great NFL quarterback. He's in the Hall of Fame.

Well.....today, I am no longer impressed. This week, Joe Montana came out bashing on Rudy. Now, in case you live under a rock and haven't seen the movie Rudy, which is hands down one of the best movies of all time, get your butt to the movie store and rent it RIGHT NOW!

The movie is based on the true story of Rudy Ruettiger. He had always dreamed of playing football for the Irish. He was small--like really small, and not very fast, and only mildly athletic. He didn't have the grades to get into Notre Dame. So he went to work at a steel plant with his father and brothers. After his friend was killed in the plant, Rudy decided it was time to follow his dreams. He packed up and headed for South Bend. He started at Holy Cross junior college, trying to get his grades up to get into Notre Dame. He applied three times and failed to get accepted. Then on his fourth, and final, try, he got in.

Then he tried out for the football team as a walk on. He was beat up and bleeding and bruised and exhausted, but he worked hard enough he got to stay. For the rest of his time at Notre Dame, he was on the practice squad, getting banged up every single week, but never seeing the field. His family didn't believe he was on the team, because they could never see him on tv on Saturdays. He cut a deal with the coach that he would be allowed to dress out for one game his senior year. Then that coach left. The new coach didn't care too much about the deal. The last game of the season, the other players volunteered to let Rudy have their spots. Rudy got to suit out, and got in on the last play of the game. He sacked the quarterback. He was carried off the field. No player has been carried off since that day in 1975.

Now, jerkface Joe Montana called Rudy out this week. He said that Rudy was more of a joke than an inspiration. He said that none of the players offered to turn in their jerseys. The crowd didn't really chant his name. And when they carried him off the field, they were just joking around. They said he didn't work any harder than anyone else and that he did not understand the hype.

Well thank goodness someone came to Rudy's defense. Another Rudy teammate, Jak Achterhoff says that the movie was 98% accurate. According to Achterhoff, "Rudy was carried off the field that day ... but not as a joke -- but because he finally got to play. You've never in your life seen a guy who wanted to be on the field more."
Seriously Joe?? Come on dude. Maybe it's a jealousy thing. At least one article has referred to Rudy as "Notre Dame's Most Famous Graduate." Probably Mr. Hall of Fame Joe Montana doesn't like that too much. And maybe Rudy didn't work harder than the other players on the team like Joe. But you know what? Rudy got NO credit for that hard work. He didn't run out of the tunnel every weekend. He didn't talk to reporters after the game. He kept his head down and worked hard becuase he wanted to be a part of Notre Dame football in any way that he could.

Now, of course there were Hollywood additions to the movie that didn't actually happen. It's a movie! But that doesn't make Rudy a joke. Far from it--I think Rudy is much more of an inspiration to people than Joe ever was.

Rudy's message about having dreams and following them and working hard and never giving up is far from a joke. Seems like this message would probably be more important and more inspirational to regular people than the fact that Joe Montana played pro football. Life doesn't always work out that way for everyone. In fact, it hardly works out that way for anyone. Hardly anyone makes it into the pros. For the rest of us, lessons about life from a regular guy who made his dream come true mean a lot more.

So shut your mouth Joe Montana. I'm not impressed. And I can assure you, when I go to see my first football game at Notre Dame this fall, I'll be thinking about how Rudy played in that stadium and not you. And that's not a joke either.

Family Farm Friday # 29: What It's All About

"The welfare of the farmer is vital to that of the whole country." ~William Howard Taft

Okay, by the time this next week is over, you guys are going to have had more than enough of my yapping about State Fair! As you can tell (from this and that), showing was a big deal in my life, so bear with me.

Anyway, I was chatting with someone at work this week and mentioned that I would be out of the office next Tuesday for the sheep show. She said, "You know, I wish I knew where the animals were at the fair." I had a befuddled look on my face I said, "What are you talking about? Like the livestock?" She said, "Yea, I've never seen the animals." I didn't know what to say--she is missing what it's all about!

She apparently goes to the midway, maybe hits up a horse race, eats a corn dog or some other fried food on a stick, and does some of the commercial buildings and art exhibits and calls it a day. And apparently she's not alone. One of my friends just started school at UNM and was shocked that most of the people in her dorm had never been to the fair, despite living here their whole lives!

My experience, obviously, has always been exactly the opposite--I don't think I've ever set foot on that midway! I have always spent probably 95% of my time at either the livestock barns or in the dorms where the exhibitors stay during the week. The other 5% would be divided between rodeos at Tingley, street dances in front of Tingley, and the horse races in the afternoon.

For me the animals are the State Fair. For her, they had nothing to do with it. I think we have a big disconnect here that we need to fix somehow.

A huge point of having fairs is to give the public an opportunity to see animal agriculture in person. Today the average American is 3 generations removed from the farm. For a lot of people, this might be the only time they ever see a steer or a pig or a lamb in person. Educating consumers is something that is vitally important to agriculture--and somehow our State Fair is missing a great opportunity to do that.

In the livestock barns there are not only the junior exhibitors' animals, but there are also sheep shearing demonstrations, wool weaving exhibits, and they actually milk dairy cows and talk people through the entire process. All of these things are great ideas and important things for people to learn--but they are only effective if the people who we want to educate make it into the barns!

I'm not saying some people don't wonder into the barns. Every year showing I would get three questions from "city people" in the barns. And I do mean every year, without exception. (1) [Referring to the lambs wearing muzzles] Do they bite your fingers?; (2) [Regarding shearing the lambs] Does that hurt?; and (3) [Referring to the finewool lambs] Is that one a boy because he has horns?

Some of the questions seemed silly, and sometimes it was annoying when people wanted to pet the lambs, but you know what, it was usually pretty cool too. It's fun getting to teach people about animals and our way of life. It's great that they are there, forming their own opinions about us and our industry, instead of listening to one of the crazy anti-agriculture organizations that exist today.

I hope that this disconnect between State Fair goers and the livestock exhibits can be cured somehow--I'm not exactly sure what the "fix" is. Maybe we need to be sure the people on the State Fair Board or whatever it's called know about agriculture and showing an want to work hard to promote it. That's probably not something we can fix over night. But I know that if everyone tells all of their friends that they should go to the fair AND be sure to check out the animals, that might be a start.

Fairs should be free advertising and education for agriculture--and I can't think of better spokesmen than junior showers! They are what it's all about!

Throwback Thursday # 32: Thursday Before State Fair

"The older I grow the more earnestly I feel that the few joys of childhood are the best that life has to give." ~Ellen Glasgow

There were a lot of school days where I was pretty worthless through out my elementary/high school days. I'm thinking back in particular to the time that we decorated the ITV room with toilet paper, balloons and streamers and then spent the rest of the day burning paper with a space heater, which caused a big investigation into whether or not there may have been an electrical fire. (Mrs. F....if you read this, don't be mad!) But I can promise you, there was no day where I was more worthless than the Thursday before the State Fair every year.

You know how when you're a little kid, you can't sleep the night before Christmas because you were so excited about the next day? Yea--imagine that instead of trying to sleep you were trying to pay attention in math class. No dice. Anyway, once the school day finally ended (and we finally finished playing our volleyball game that was always scheduled that night--usually against Texico) we FINALLY got to go home and get ready for the best week of the year.

That night we would spend getting all of the last minute items in the showbox, loading feeders, making sure we had feed, and hay (including enough for when the Perez brothers would need to mooch). Then we would go to the house to pack our clothes, shower stuff, sleeping bags, jackets, boots......you know the drill. After the poor truck and trailer were loaded down, we would get a couple hours of sleep and then wake up early in the morning to head for Albuquerque. (Note that digital cameras did not exist back in my day--so I have no pictures of any of this to share with you!)

When I was really young, the whole county met up and went at midnight. I remember everyone all bundled up and running around to say hi to our friends as we waited at the fairgrounds to leave. But that sort of ended at some point around my freshman year or so. It was just too many people being late and too many blowouts on the way and getting to Albuquerque too early which meant sitting in the parking lot for hours. Instead, Logan FFA started meeting up and leaving out at about 4 in the morning. This stopped a lot of the sitting in the parking lot--but not the blow out issues. I remember once Mr. F calling as we were pulling out of the driveway to meet everyone at the truck stop to tell us that another family already had three blow outs between Logan and Tucumcari, which is about 24 miles! Needless to say we headed for the shop to load up several spares.

The trek to State Fair was only the beginning of an awesome week. I'll blog more about the actual State Fair events next Thursday. Once we arrived, there was unloading and feeding and sending someone to the dorms to get a bed in the corner (very important). After all of that there was naptime, from which I would always wake up and wonder if it was the same day or the next morning (and from which I got the nickname Sunshine when I forgot to brush my hair after said nap time one year!)

Today is the Thursday before the 2010 State Fair. I would sure love to be a kid again, packing up the show box and heading to meet everyone at Loves at 4 am.....flat tires and all!

August Updates

"The measure of good life is the accumulation of good memories." ~ Anonymous

Mr. and Mrs. Animal House Boy. As you may remember from a prior update, I headed to Texas over Labor Day weekend for the wedding of one of my guy friends from college. These two are a perfect match and their wedding was beyond gorgeous! More than once someone said, "Man, this is just like a movie!"
I failed to get pictures of the venue (which was the bride's parents' ranch) so I have been keeping any eye on facebook to find some. So far, I just found one, that shows the lake (over which fire works were set off through out the night!) I'll keep an eye out for more and share in a later update.
And I always love love love getting to catch up with my Animal House boys and their wives. These are some of my favorite guys in the world!

Pokes Win! Pokes Win! College football is off and running---love love love this time of year! I missed most of the games opening weekend because of the wedding. But no worries, the Governor kept our whole group up to date on all of the details with his trusty i-phone snuck into his tux pocket!
Anyway, in case you haven't heard, my Pokes come out firing and beat Washington State 65-17. And just in case you forgot---OSU would be the team from Oklahoma that killed a PAC-10 team, and not that other team who almost got beat by a no-name WAC team. Would have hated for there to be any confusion. You can check out game highlights below!



Kirk Herbstreit Syndrome Strikes Again. You all probably remember the prior Kirk Herbstreit blog. I was chatting with a guy sitting next to me on the plane ride back home from Texas. He noticed I had out my ESPN magazine to prepare for my fantasy football draft (thank you Childhood Friend for giving me that!). We got to talking about football......and at one point he was talking about how excited Denver is about Tebow. The he says, "They really hate....oh shoot, I can't remember the last quarterback's name." I immediately respond, "Jake Cutler." He looks at me sort of perplexed and says, "Wow, you really do know your football don't you!" Sigh. Yes. I do. And apparently this knowledge is a curse.

Getting Old. Not only am I apparently no longer Forever 21, but I've noticed myself doing things, and getting excited about things, that just make me seem really old. First off, last week I finalized my Advanced Healthcare Directive (aka a healthcare power of attorney--you appoint someone to make healthcare decisions for you in the event that you are incapacitated). Young people don't do these things. Secondly, I was balancing my checkbook the other day after not doing it for a couple of weeks and when I got to the end and it balanced with the bank statement, I was so excited. And then I wasn't because I realized I'm becoming a loser.

Quote of the Month. We have two winners this month. And I have a picture of them together. :)
Our first winner is College Roomie. We were laying by the pool last a couple of weekends ago. She asks me, "What are you going to wear on your date this week?" I responded, "It's not a date, we're just friends having dinner. It' just like when you and I go to dinner. That's not a date either." And then she responded with the quote, "Hey, he's paying. And he has a penis. That's a date in my book." Classic. Just classic.

And while it looked like Blonde Oklahoma Girl was going to be dethroned from her reign as winner of quote of the month, she came through at the last minute with a gem. "Stupid Tiger Woods. He really ruined everything for us girls, because now every guy thinks he can be a [non-blog friendly word] and get away with it. I knew I didn't like golf for a reason."

If You Really Knew Me

"Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Confucius

It's ironic to me that this is my second blog about a tv show on MTV (remember my love for The Buried Life). I didn't grow up with MTV.....it wasn't one of the 4 channels we had in my house the entire time I lived there. I don't really watch too many music videos of any kind. And some of the shows on there just look plain dumb to me. (i.e. 16 and Pregnant...don't get me started!)

Anyway, this show titled "If You Really Knew Me" is about a program called "Challenge Day" that goes into high schools across America. They basically gather up the student bodies of these schools in a gym. They have these kids go through several different activities, all to try and break down the clicks and prejudices and different groups that exist in high schools (and in life!) everywhere.

One of the exercises has them sit in a small group and complete the following sentence, "If you really knew me, you'd know _____________." The things that people share are amazing--their pain and their struggles seem unbearable for high school kids. People who have no friends, whose parents don't support them, who have lost loved ones, who are homeless, who feel guilty for friends who have died. And no one in the school knew.

This is true of everyone we encounter in our lives. Everyone has problems and struggles and gone through hard times, but they keep these things hidden. People put smiles on their faces, act as though everything in their lives are normal, and inside they are a wreck. We never really know what someone is going through. We never know how our negative words or actions can impact someone, or to be the final straw that breaks the camel's back.

In the same way, we never know how a kind word, a hello, or a simple smile might be something that could change someone's day, or even their life. Life is hard. If we can do something to make it just a little bit easier, even just for one person, shouldn't we try?

Happiness Project Month 3: Work

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~ Unknown

It's time to report on my happiness project again! Well, I mentioned before that I spent two months on my work-related projects. Since I spend most of my life at work (they never tell you that when you're a kid or even in college....but it's true so choose that job wisely!), I guess it makes sense I would have a lot to do there. I don't ever talk about work on the blog......I think that is a pretty good policy for me to stick with. But, I'll break it today since there's nothing paticularly juicy going to be shared. Here were my projects....

1. Set up my candle lamp. Those of you who know me are probably thinking, "Wow, this is what a lawyer really has to worry about all day?" And no....I have much more important (although maybe not more exciting) things to think about. But, it's my happiness project so I'll do what I want! I hate being stuck inside all day every week day. I'm a farm girl at heart and being stuck in a stuffy office just about makes me crazy.

So, I decided that I needed to get a candle set up to at least make it smell good in my stuffy office. My mom gave me a great candle lamp for Christmas---you just plug the lamp in and the light melts the candle (without any fire) and your office smells like homeade apple pie (or any other flavor...but I don't know why you'd chose anything else!) I have to admit...it improves my mood when the apple pie scent fills the room!

2. Sign up for an ag law conference. My law firm is wonderful and I love working there. But I am the only one with an agriculture background. So....I'm the only one specifically interested in agriculture law. Luckily, they are very supportive of my interest and have encouraged me to take certain steps to try and make connections and learn about building my own ag law practice. One of those steps was signing up for an ag law conference.

I finally got all my ducks in a row and I will be attending the conference this fall and am looking forward to meeting the people and spending a couple of days learning about the hot issues in agriculture law. Because this is something I'm passionate about and really interested, being able to have my firm support me and encourage me to pursue my goals is wonderful!

3. Organize, organize, organize! You probably remember the extreme happiness boost I got during the first month of the Happiness Project when I organized my life. Well....work was about three times that exciting for me! Let me explain. As a young associate, I always have partners sticking their heads in my office saying things like, "Hey, what's that state court case that says you can't blindside someone in discovery?" or "Hey, what are the elements of tortious interference with an existing contract?" The most annoying thing EVER for me is when I know I've reasearched this issue before, but I don't remember who it was for or what case it was in to find it. So.....I knew that a key to my happiness at work was going to be getting organized and developing a system for this kind of thing!

I ended up doing a few different things. First, I did an email folder called "My Research" that I have all sorts of subfolders with case citations and reasearch I have emailed previously. That way, the next time someone wants to know the elements of something I've already researched, I have them just a click away. I've also decided to build a "brief bank" of sorts. This means I'm going to try and collect everything I've written in the last year and organize it. So when I need to write another Motion to Compel, I have about 15 examples all at my fingertips.

Okay---be honest---this blog was boring. My friends will attest to the fact that my being a lawyer can be pretty unexciting! But....for me, these simple steps really have made work easier and more enjoyable! So....if you've decided to follow the happiness project, maybe this will inspire you to make some changes at work that will increase your happiness level.

Or, if nothing else, it will make you happy that you're not a boring lawyer and your life is more exciting than mine! :)

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming....

"You've got plenty of time to focus on tomorrow, but these tonights....they're going by fast." ~ Coach in "Boys of Fall" video.

(Photo courtesy Bobbie Turner Photography)

....because it's COLLEGE FOOTBALL KICKOFF WEEKEND!!

Sorry to not have a Family Farm Friday for you this week, but I'm just so darn excited that football season is starting I can hardly see straight!

I won't be able to spend my usual Saturday vegging all day in front of the tv because I'm headed to Texas for the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Animal House Boy to serve as legal counsel. I've been assured by one of the other Animal House Boys that there will be a tv available at the reception for us to check the score. (Am I going to make a great wife someday or what!?!!)

Anyway....to get you in the spirit, I'll leave you with a great new song from Kenny Chesney. Even if you have heard the song---watch the video. It's powerful.

I for one am glad to see the Boys of Fall It's my favorite time of the year!

Oh yea....and GO POKES!

Let's Have SOME Standards

"If you're not picky, you're divorced." ~Cousin Swiss Mister

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm picky. I am frequently told by just about everyone in my life (including my own father and College Roomie) that I am too picky. (Thank goodness BFF and Cousin Kevin don't seem to agree---it's good to have those protective boys in your life to make you feel like picky is okay!)

And I'll admit, there may be a few requirements that I have for finding Mr. Right that are a bit overboard. My ban on boys wearing flip flops could probably go. My requirement that he be able to bench press my weight might not be totally necessary (but based on my research a guy should easily be able to do that unless he's a total wimp). My insistence on him being a college football fan also might be excessive (but let's be honest, you know that on Saturdays there will not be anything else on my tv!). So yes....I'm a little picky. Let's not even get started on my rules about him loving and understanding farming/ranching.

But last week I heard a poll on the local radio station. The question was for women. "Would you date Tiger Woods now that he is divorced?" I'm thinking as I'm driving to work....I bet it's less than 10% who say yes. Boy was I wrong. 100% of the women who responded said that they WOULD date him.

Are you kidding me? Hello ladies!??! Have you been watching the news? This dude cheated on his wife (while she was home taking care of or pregnant with his babies) with goodness knows how many trashy other women. Clearly he's a slimeball. (Sidenote: Not only should this morally repulse you and make you not want to touch him, but it should also scare the crap out of you from a health standpoint......yuck!) Out of respect for his poor ex-wife alone, the answer should have bee no!

I know it's hard to be single, and I know it's hard to find a guy who even is a potential Mr. Right, but we have to keep some standards if you ask me. Not only do I think it's imporant for our own self respect, but I think it's important for us to show slimeball guys that we're not going to put up with them doing this kind of thing to their families (remember--it wasn't just Elin who he hurt, but his whole family, kiddos included). Anyway, sorry for the soap box, but I'm just saying.....let's have SOME standards!

Call me picky if you want. But I'm out on Tiger!

1 Year Anniversary!

“Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.” ~ Harvey McKay

Well I realized that today is my one year anniversary on the blog! When I first started this, I didn't really know if I would stick with it, and I was even less sure that anyone would read my ranting every day. So thanks to all of you who read the blog. I love seeing new followers add me, getting comments on blogs, and having people come up to me and say "I just love your blog!"

Last night one of my friends, we'll call her OSU Canadian, hooked me up with a program that tracks how many people look at my blog and where they are from. I'm excited to keep track of these statistics. In the last week, I've had almost 400 viewers. Most are from the US, but several from Canada and England (where as far as I know I don't know a soul) and even two from Denmark! So---if you're visiting and I don't know you---feel free to introduce yourself!

Anyway....a lot has happened in the last year since the blog began.....taking a note from my dear friend, the Crazy Canadian's blog, I thought I would go through a quick run down of the events that happened and were blogged about in the last year.

September 2009: A lot happened last September. Not only did I pass the bar and begin working at my law firm, but I was a bridesmaid and a pall bearer in the same week. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions.

October 2009: You heard about my decision 24 hours before the OSU/Texas football game to jump on a plane and meet the Oklahoma Girls for my birthday in Stillwater.

November 2009: We had a great family Thanksgiving and the blog readers got to know Cousin Kevin.

December 2009: The idea for Family Farm Friday was developed and has managed to continue for 9 months! That's long enough to grow a baby! :)

January 2010: I got to share my suprising Soul Mate Friend at her baby shower...and somehow her whole family managed to keep a total secret! Since then Little Linebacker has arrived and made several blog appearances.

February 2010: The Oklahoma Girls, the Oklahoma Mamas, Cousin Whitney and I got to go see George and Reba in concert!

March 2010: I posted what may still be the most popular blog....Bull Semen and Bonding.

April 2010: Calf Fry weekend brought another trip to Oklahoma....and the timing was perfect for me to meet Little Princess within 24 hours of her arrival!

May 2010: Bay to Breakers. Enough said!

June 2010: The blog featured Baby Cousin as he started his minor league baseball career.

July 2010: Our family Centennial celebration brought blogs about true love and family and dancing.

August 2010: Eat Pray Love sort of subsumed the blog!

So I've realized a few things: (1) I travel back to Oklahoma A LOT; (2) I have had a pretty great year; (3) writing the blog has proved to be a lot of fun; and (4) I am so happy to have this record of memories written down and saved!

Thank you for continuing to come along on my journey...the great cast I have in my life sure makes figuring out the plot a lot of fun!